The ultimate test
by Tiva-for-life
Summary: Ziva loves Tony. Tony loves Ziva. But will they pass the ultimate test? TIVA
1. Chapter 1

Ziva's POV

_There was something on my mind. There had been since the day I met him. And I knew I eventually had to either tell him, or move on. But I also knew that both options were equally as hard to do. There was no easy way out of this. But then again, love is not supposed to be easy._

As I entered the NCIS building, I listened to the iPod Abby had bought me a few years ago. Since then, I had put over three hundred songs on it. Compared to Abby's collection of songs, mine was small, but to me there were plenty of songs to entertain me. I exited the elevator and entered the bullpen. The only noise I could hear was my music feeding directly into my eardrums. I looked at Tony, surprised to see that he was here before me. I could see him say something, only to have to repeat it after I pulled out my earphones.

"Good morning, Ziva." He repeated for me.

"Good morning, Tony. Why are you here so early?" I replied with a smile.

"Well, I was hoping to see you for a moment before everyone else got here." I looked at him; at first I was concerned – maybe something was wrong. His smile convinced me everything was fine.

"What is it, Tony? Need me to cover for you when Gibbs arrives?"

"No, I was wondering if you wanted to come to my place tonight do like a movie night thing, like we used to. We haven't done anything, just me and you, for a long time." He said walking away from his desk and over towards mine. That is how this all started. Tony's movie nights. They started out with everyone – Abby, McGee, even Ducky. But after a while it began to be just the two of us. Spending so much time alone with Tony would usually drive me insane, but this was different. I enjoyed movie nights. And Abby was the first to notice just how much.

"_Is there something going on between you and Tony?" she asked bluntly during lunch. My hand, which was half way to my mouth with a fork full of salad, dropped back onto the table._

"_What do you mean?" I asked dumbfounded._

"_You know what I mean, Ziva. You're my best friend; don't think for a second that I won't find out if you're sleeping with him!"_

"_Whoa, Abby, I am not sleeping with Tony." I took a sip of water. I was not sleeping with him, but I had thought about it... too often._

"_But you want to?" I was trying to say something, but I did not know what to say. "This is fantastic!" she squealed excitedly before I could explain anything._

"Earth to Ziva." Tony said forcing me away from my flashback.

"Um, yeah, sorry. A movie night sounds good, Tony." I smiled at him, hoping he didn't ask what I was thinking about.

"Great. So, I'll see you at my place around... eight?"

"Yeah. I'll bring the popcorn." Just at that moment, McGee walked into the bullpen.

"Tony... you're here early. Is something wrong?" McGee asked. I couldn't help but laugh at his surprise to see Tony here.

"Come on guys! I'm not _always_ late." Tony defended himself.

"Yeah you are. Gear up, we got a dead marine." Gibbs called as he walked past, coffee in hand. All three of us grabbed our bags, guns and badges and headed to the elevator where Gibbs was waiting.

The case was simple enough. The killer was amateur and left a number of significant clues at the crime scene. There was fingerprints, blood and other DNA from the killer in the victims house, and the killer was stupid enough to look directly into the security camera, allowing our facial recognition program to get a good enough image to find a match within seconds. With this evidence, we had him in lock-up by that afternoon. At six o'clock, Gibbs sent us all home for the day. I said good bye to McGee and Tony and headed downstairs to Abby's lab.

"Ziva, hey! Good job on catching the bad guy." She yelled over her music as I walked into the lab. I nodded to her and she turned off her music. "Is everything okay, Zi?" she asked, suddenly a lot quieter than she was seconds ago.

"I do not know. Abby, I need your help."

"My help? Why my help? You usually go to Tony when you need help..."

"I cannot go to Tony with this. Or McGee, or Gibbs, so please do not say anything to anyone." I pleaded.

"Zi, I want to help you but you know I can't keep a secret from Gibbs – the man has a way of making me speak!"

"Abby, please. I do not know what to do. I am not used to feeling like this."

"Feeling like what?" she asked, obviously worried about me now.

"Vulnerable." I replied, looking right into her eyes. I could the sympathy pooling in her eyes.

"I guess you could talk to me now, and then I can just forget everything before I see Gibbs." She said with a smile. I knew she would always be there for me when I needed her. "So, what's your problem?"

"This thing... with Tony." I began, only to be interrupted by a squeal.

"Did something happen between you two? Ohmygod I knew it!" she pulled me in for a hug before squealing in my ear again.

"Nothing happened, Abby." I said pulling away. Her smile faded. "I told you, he does not see me in that way."

"Oh, I'm fairly positive he does Ziva."

"Abby, he does not. We are friends. it's just me, for some reason I have convinced myself that there is something more there, but there is not. And I need to know how to get over it... preferably before tonight."

"Why before tonight? What's happening tonight?" Abby questioned.

"Tony asked me to do a movie night thing again tonight."

"Oh, I see. You fell in love with him when the movie nights began, then you stopped going thinking you would fall out of love with him but that didn't work and now he wants to have another movie night and you're freaking out because you don't realise that he loves you just as much as you love him?" she spoke so fast it was hard to understand what she was saying, but I think I got the main message.

"He does not love me, Abby. I told you that."

"Well, did you ask him?" no, why would I ask him? He would say no, and then I would be embarrassed. And our friendship would never be the same again. "I'll take the hesitation as a 'no'. Go ask him! And I'm sure he'll say 'yes, Ziva, I'm so in love with you it hurts!' and then you'll live happily ever after."

"That is not how it works Abby."

"Ziva, don't start this argument with me... again. You will never know until you ask so you either talk to him about it tonight or I will and don't even think for a second that I'm joking because I'm not. I'm deadly serious! Tomorrow morning I'm asking him how it went."

"There is no way for me to get out of this, is there?" I asked, hoping she would give me more time if I happened to be ill... or dead.

"Nope." Was her answer, served with a mischievous smile.

"Fine." I said as I walked away. I was not ready for what I had just gotten myself into. But, I really did not have a choice anymore. My two options were now narrowed down to one – tell him.


	2. Movie Night

I arrived at Tony's apartment at exactly eight o'clock. As soon as he opened the door for me, I could smell the Italian food he was preparing for our night. He smiled at me as I inhaled deeply.

"Smells really good." I said as I walked into his apartment.

"Thanks. I just hope it tastes good." He smiled. "Thanks for coming, you've been acting kind of weird lately so I really didn't expect you to agree to come." I tensed – he knew something was wrong, that is the only reason he invited me here tonight.

"Yeah, I have been a little distracted lately. But, Abby is forcing me to... well she's forcing me to tell you what has been going on inside my head."

"Why is she forcing you to tell me? It's not something I've done, is it?" I honestly did not know how to answer his question. To some extent, I did blame him. But I would not say it was his _fault_. "I don't like how quiet you're being." He said as he placed a plate full of food in front of me.

"Sorry." I said as I began to eat. The food was delicious. Dinner was accompanied by small talk, both of us dancing around what we really needed to talk about. I was just trying to avoid the conversation, but Tony was just being patient, waiting for me, knowing I had to initiate the conversation, otherwise I would just shy away. He knew I would talk when I was ready. When dinner was finished, we washed up the dishes then I headed over to the couch, while Tony put on a DVD. I did not know what it was, and to be honest, I did not care.

I had missed our movie nights. We would talk about the most random things, and I would be constantly laughing. As we watched movies I would lean against Tony, and it was comfortable – not awkward like I thought it would be. Sometimes I would fall asleep and wake up wrapped in his arms, other times he told me I could stay the night, but I would always decline. I knew for sure that this was when I realized I liked Tony a lot more than I let on. And that is why I had to stop coming over. I do not even understand why I accepted tonight... but I do not regret it.

Once again, Tony pulled me out of my thoughts when he put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me in closer to him.

"You okay, Zi?" he asked softly. I turned my head to look at him. I looked into his eyes while trying to figure out how to tell him. After a few seconds he lent his forehead on mine. "Hey?" he encouraged.

I looked at his lips and before I had registered what I was about to do, I had already done it. My lips landed gently on his and I lightly kissed him. I was about to pull away and start to apologise when he kissed me back. I froze for a microsecond before leaning into him. He deepened the kiss slightly, then pulled away and stood up, walking away from the couch. I stood, but did not follow.

"Zi, I... no." He managed to say as he turned back to face me. He walked back over to me and began to apologise.

"No, I'm sorry. That was my fault."

"No, it was mine. I'm not going to take advantage of you while you're upset about something." He thought he was taking advantage of me. I knew I had to explain. But how do you tell your closest friend that you are in love with them without making things awkward.

"That is what I needed to talk to you about." I started, but soon found that no words were coming to me.

"Come one, Ziva. Spit it out, you're killing me here!" he was not angry, but concerned. "One minute everything was fine, then the next you were acting weird and avoiding me and you and Abby are always in the corner whispering about something and I just need to know what I have done to hurt you."

"Tony, you have not done anything to hurt me."

"Then what is it? Just tell me."

"I tried to, just then." I said, looking back over to the couch where we kissed only moments ago.

"What?" Tony looked over at the couch too, then back at me. My eyes had begun to slowly fill with tears. He looked at me sympathetically and placed his hand on my cheek. His face was only inched from mine. "Zi, I can't." That was all he said. I dropped my head, trying to hide the tears that fell from my eyes. He moved his hand from my cheek and placed it under my chin, using it to make me look at him. He looked at me for a moment and I could tell that he was trying to find something to say.

"Why?"

"What?" he asked, confused.

"Why? Is there something wrong with me?" I said, almost whispering.

"There is definitely nothing wrong with you, Ziva." I knew that was meant to comfort me, but his word only made my heart ache more.

"I should go home.' I said, pulling away from him and grabbing my jacket. Neither of us said good bye. There was no need.

I drove home in silence, the radio was not playing any good songs so I saw no need in keeping it on. When I got home, I went straight to my bedroom and threw myself onto my bed. Sleep did not come until two in the morning. I was awake again by five thirty.


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning I walked into the bullpen, not looking forward to the day ahead. We had no case which meant I would be spending the entire day in the bullpen with Tony. On top of that, my three and a half hours sleep was definitely not enough, and sitting at a desk reading and typing was not going to help me stay awake.

I sat down at my desk and began to work on the first file. I had managed to keep up with most of my paperwork for the week so it should take too long to get through my small pile. I had only just begun when Tony walked in and sat down at his desk. McGee had the day off because he had family visiting, so today it was just Tony and I, and occasionally Gibbs. Tony cautiously smiled at me when he sat down. I forced a smile back. This was exactly what I was afraid of – ruining everything we had gained over the past five years.

The elevator _ding_ed and Abby bounced over to my desk.

"How'd it go, Zi?" she asked excitedly. I glared at her and her smiled rapidly disappeared. She turned to Tony, who was busy doing his work, then turned back to me. "Are you sure?" she asked in disbelief.

"I do not want to talk about it. I barely slept last night so I am _not_ in a good mood and I do not like _anyone_ at the moment. Do not take it personally." I warned, trying not to be too hostile.

"It's Abby, Ziver, she takes everything personally." Gibbs said as he entered the bullpen.

"We got a case, boss?" Tony asked hopefully. It is not that we wish death upon marines, but having a case is a good distraction, and we both needed that at the moment.

"No, DiNozzo. What we got is a stack of paperwork, get to it." Gibbs walked off and Tony went back to his paperwork. I got up and walked to the ladies bathroom, Abby's eyes followed me, but she knew not to. Tony, on the other hand, did not.

I washed my hands and splashed water on my face, hoping it would wake me up a little bit. It did not. I looked back up into the mirror and saw tony leaning against the wall behind me.

"You okay?" he asked, taking a few steps toward me.

"I am fine, just trying to wake myself up a little bit." I replied, truthfully.

"Yeah, I heard you tell Abby you didn't sleep well last night. I'm sorry Ziva."

"Tony, it is not your fault. I expected it to end that way anyways. It is just..."

"Just what?" he asked, taking another couple of steps towards me.

"When I kissed you..." I hesitated for a second but his eyes told me to continue. "You kissed me back. And for a second I thought maybe it was not going to end that way."

"I'm sorry, it _is_ my fault."

"No, Tony, that is not what I am saying."

"I know, it's what _I'm_ saying. I shouldn't have kissed back. But, Ziva, you're my best friend, and I _do_ love you..." he grabbed me hand and held it near his chest. "I love you with all my heart. I want what's best for you. And that's not me. I'm a middle aged man who is afraid of commitment. I'll only end up hurting you. And you deserve so much better than me." My eyes began to sting as they filled with tears, one managed to escape from my control and roll down my cheek. He wiped it away and I leaned my head against his chest where my hand was being held.

"That is not how I see you, Tony." I said into his shirt.

"I know it's not, but the truth is, I'm not good for you. Think about it Ziva, if we were meant to be together, Gibbs wouldn't have his stupid rules, your father would love me and you wouldn't be ten years younger than me."

"Eleven." I corrected, looking up into his eyes. He smiled and I could not help but softly smile back. Here we stood, in the middle of the ladies bathroom, holding each other, while I was fighting back the tears that pooled in my eyes. "But I don't care about that, Tony. And maybe Gibbs' rules and my father are just obstacles we are meant to overcome." He kissed my forehead, and then I buried my head into his chest again.

"I want this, Ziva. But it just won't work. I don't want to hurt you, and I don't want to lose you." He held me closer with those last words.

"You will never lose me, Tony. That is one thing I can promise you." I knew I was probably just setting myself up to be hurt again, but all I wanted to do at that moment was kiss him.

He looked into my eyes and I looked into his. He was not inviting me to kiss him – but he wasn't telling me not to, so I pushed my lips against his and kissed him ever so gently. He kissed back but this time I knew not to assume that meant something. He placed one hand on each side of my face and pulled my face away. He held me there for a while before speaking.

"You're making this very hard for me, Ziva. You know we can't do this without Gibbs finding out."

"I know, but I don't care."

"Of course you don't care, he loves you. He will kill me though!" he laughed but I knew there was truth behind his joke.

"Well, he does not have to know right away." I suggested, knowing that he would eventually find out. "Let's just give it a couple of weeks first."

"I like the way you think, David." He smiled before placing a soft kiss on my lips. Just as he did, the bathroom door opened and Abby popped her head in.

"Guys? You've been in here a while." She said before finding us near the sinks. As soon as she saw us (in what she called a 'compromising' position) she let out a loud squeal and ran over and hugged us.

"I'm pretty sure that was meant to be a sign." He said looking at me. My stomach suddenly felt heavy, and it must have shown on my face because Tony was quick to change his mind. "But, I've always ignored the obvious signs." He smiled and turned to Abby.

"Not a word to Gibbs, I promise." She said as though she could read our minds. Either that or she had been listening in on our conversation the whole time. Tony and I both smiled and looked at each other. Our 'moment' was disrupted by Abby's drawn out "If..."

"If what, Abby?" I asked, worried about the rules my friend was about to lay out for me.

"If you kiss. Right now." She smiled like a little girl.

"You can't just force us to kiss in front of you, it will just be awkward." Tony stated.

"Yeah, you're right. I'm sure Gibbs will agree too." She said as she turned to walk out of the bathroom.

"Abby! Are you seriously blackmailing us?" I asked shocked at how vindictive she had gotten in the last thirty seconds.

"Yes. Because I am stuck in my lab all day every day so I'm not going to be able to see the moments when you steal a kiss as Gibbs walks away. And McGee sucks with details, I've been trying to get him to tell me what's going on with you two for the past five years and he sucks!"

I rolled my eyes at her and let out a small laugh. That is all she wanted to see – the small moments that most people would consider insignificant. But not Abby, she thought they were the most important moments. So I decided to give her what she wanted. I leant up and Surprised Tony with a slight peck on his lips. She squealed so I lingered for a while, only pulling away when she stopped squealing.

"Happy?" I asked.

"Very – but don't act like that was for me! You two are going to be all over each other when you're alone." She laughed and then walked out before we could reply – not that it bothered me... she was probably right.


	4. three weeks

It had been three weeks since we decided it was worth giving _us_ a chance. I was so grateful to Tony for letting go of his concerns and giving this a shot. He was afraid he was too old for me, too childish for me, too uncommitted for me. But he was wrong. In the short time that we had been together he showed me that he could be serious, as well as fun, and he had committed himself to me more than I expected he would have. As for his age... I do not care that he is more than a decade older than me. He is perfect in every way to me, and I think he is finally starting to see that this can work if we want it to.

It was Sunday night, I went to Tony's apartment for dinner. He cooked for me most weekends, and I would cook dinner for him a couple of times during the week. We ate dinner and sat down to watch some television.

"It is getting late, I should probably go home." I had only stayed the night at his apartment a few times. He asked if I wanted to stay tonight, but I decided it would be easier if I went home because in the morning I would have to go home anyways and get ready for work.

"Before you go, I want to talk." He said, grabbing my waist so that I couldn't get up off the couch. I fell back into his arms and laughed.

"What do you want to talk about?" I leaned my head on his shoulders and closed my eyes, snuggling up closer to him. He was silent for a while, which made me start to panic. I was about to ask again when he spoke.

"What's your favourite love story?" he asked, not really focussing on the question.

"What do you mean?" I opened my eyes and looked at him.

"You know? Love stories. Romeo and Juliet, Elizabeth Bennet and Mr Darcy" he mocked in a posh voice. "The movie _Titanic_? I'm sure there is some Israeli love story that you were told as a child."

"There was one that my mother used to tell me, I am pretty sure she made it up though." I said, now understanding what his question meant.

"Well, what is it?"

"I do not really remember it well but I will tell you what I remember." He leant back into the couch and began playing with my hair. "There was a young couple – very in love. But everyone thought they were wrong for each other and society forced them to separate. But their love was so strong and after about a week without each other, they could not handle it, so they decided to see each other in secret. He wrote her amazing love letters, one for every night they did not see each other. But one day her father found them, and told her that if she did not stop seeing him, he would have him killed. So she told her father she had stopped seeing him, and was seeing someone else, but really she had just told her lover to sign a different name. He did not want to sign someone else's name though so instead, he continued to write her love letters and instead of signing his name he put the symbol for infinity." (∞) as I told him what I remembered of the story my mother used to tell me, I traced the symbol for infinity on his palm, and then kissed it, before getting up and grabbing everything I had brought with me to Tony's apartment. "I really have to go now." I said and leant down to kiss him.

"I'll walk you to your car." He said with a smile, grabbing the bag full of my things and passing me my jacket. We walked down to my car and he put my things in the back seat. Before getting in, I said good bye and kissed him softly. He grabbed my hips and pulled me closer to him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and I felt his lips curve into a smile against mine. I was the first to break away from this kiss. I looked at him and smiled. I could see he wanted to say something.

"What?" I laughed when he had stared at me for almost a full minute without saying anything.

"You really are the most beautiful person I have ever met. And I'm including airbrushed celebrities in this, so that means you're really, _really_ beautiful."

I laughed quietly and tried my hardest not to blush, but my attempts failed. He brushed his hand softly over my cheek and tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear. "I love you." He kissed me on the cheek, then slowly moved to my lips. This kiss felt different than all the others. This one was more romantic and passionate. The others have been more playful than anything else.

Early Monday morning I pulled into the Navy yard car park. As I got out of my car, Abby pulled up beside me. I waited for her and we walked in together. She came up to the bullpen with me because she wanted to talk to Gibbs about something. I walked over to my desk and she began to walk over to Gibbs' when she noticed I was looking at something on my desk. She walked over to me to see what I was looking at.

"Ziva, why is there a piece of paper with a figure eight on it on your desk?" she questioned.

"It is not a figure eight; you are looking at it sideways." I turned the piece of paper so that she could see it the proper way.

"The symbol for infinity?" she asked, still confused. I nodded my head and looked over at Tony who was sitting at his desk busily doing his paperwork. "That is too cute!" Abby said excitedly.

"What is, Abs?" Gibbs asked, appearing from nowhere as he so often did.

"Oh, um, Ziva has a secret admirer." She lied. Gibbs looked at Tony, and I thought our cover was blown. Tony looked up to see Gibbs' stare.

"What, Boss?" he asked.

"No stupid joke or movie quote, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked. Tony just shrugged. "Come with me." He said as he walked toward the elevator. Tony got up and followed, giving me an unrecognisable look as he left.

"Sorry, I totally just blew it for you guys! I'm so so so sorry!"

"Abby, don't worry. We had to tell him eventually anyway. And it is not your fault, I believed your story." I smiled and sat down at my desk. She moved over to McGee's desk and sat in it.

"Where is McGee?" she asked after a few minutes.

"I'm right here. I had to walk up about a million stairs because the elevator isn't working." He explained. I looked over to the elevator; they had been in there for at least five minutes now. I could only imagine what Gibbs was saying to, or yelling at, Tony. Another five minutes passed before they came out of the elevator, Gibbs – as usual – had an unreadable expression on his face. Tony, on the other hand, seemed shocked more than anything. I kept looking up at him but his expression barely changed.

The day seemed to go pretty fast after that. And so did the rest of the week. Before I knew it, it was Friday morning.

Tony had stayed at my place Thursday night. I woke up to find myself wrapped in his arms, my face buried in his chest. I shifted myself slightly, trying not to wake him. I lay there, breathing in his scent and tracing patterns on his bare chest.

"You still thinking about that stupid infinity sign?" he laughed drowsily as he woke from his slumber. I slapped his chest lightly.

"It's not stupid, it meant a lot to me." I said.

"I know, I was joking."

"Well, I have to get ready for work."

"Same, I should probably get going." He said before quickly getting out of bed and putting on his shirt from last night. I kissed him good bye then went to have a shower.


	5. Gibbs' test

When I arrived at work, Tony was already there. He was in the same clothes he wore yesterday so I assumed he didn't go home this morning. I walked into the bullpen just as Tony walked up to Gibbs' desk, where Gibbs was talking to Abby. I dumped my bag at my desk, then stood there, waiting to see what Tony was doing. He has been acting strange lately and I had a feeling this had something to do with why.

"Yes, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked when Tony got to his desk. Tony pulled out his gun and badge and placed it on Gibbs' desk. Abbys hands shot up to cover her mouth, concealing a gasp.

"I can't do it, Boss." Was all Tony said to Gibbs. Gibbs was silent for a moment. He looked at the gun and badge on his desk, then back up to Tony.

"Don't be an idiot, DiNozzo." Gibbs said, pushing the gun and badge back toward Tony.

"No, I'm not going to do that to her." Gibbs stood and walked around his desk so that he was in front of Tony.

"What's going on?" I asked McGee, who looked as dumbfounded as I did.

"I know you aren't. But, I don't want your badge." Gibbs said to Tony, still pretending there was no one else in the room. He smiled.

"Wait, this was a test?" Tony asked, sounding frustrated.

"Yep. And you made the right choice." Gibbs said with a smile, beginning to walk out of the bullpen. I was still so confused.

"So you told me 'lose her or your job' to test me?" Tony was getting more frustrated. But now I understood. Gibbs suddenly heard the frustration in Tony voice and moved back towards him.

"She is like a daughter to Me, DiNozzo. And I know what you're like. I had to make sure you weren't just stringing her along so that you could break her heart." Gibbs began to walk away again, this time passing me a folded piece of paper as he walked past. I opened it to find that it was a picture of Tony and me at my apartment.

Gibbs left the bullpen and the four of us stood still in our places, shocked and not knowing what to say. Abby was relieved that Tony didn't have to quit. McGee was confused because he did not know any of this was going on. Tony felt glad that Gibbs had my back, but also like he had just been _Punk'd_. The silence beginning to be unbearable, I had to say something. But nothing managed to come out of my mouth.

"You just quit your job for me." I managed to spit out after a while.

"Don't worry about it, Zi." He walked back to his desk.

"Don't worry about it? Tony, you love this job!"

"I can find another job, Zi, you're more important than some stupid job anyway."

"But Tony, you have worked your whole life for this job. Is that why you have been acting strange all week?"

"Yeah, I was trying to figure out how to keep both." He smiled wearily.

"You two are going out?" McGee finally asked, staring at us both in disbelief.

"I forgot he was there." Tony said. To be honest, I had too. I looked at McGee, then back at Tony. He was now looking at me too. We looked into each other's eyes for a moment.

"Thank you, Tony." I said. I walked up to him and brushed my lips against his gently, then kissed him for a second, pulling away before drawing to much attention to us. "Last night, when you said..."

"Ziva, it's okay. I don't expect you to say it back." He said softly, so that McGee and Abby couldn't hear.

"No, Tony, listen to me, please. Last night, when you told me you loved me, I wanted to say it back to you, I really did. But the only other person who has said it to me, it was obvious he did not mean it. He did not even make eye contact. So last night when you said it, it was so real... and overwhelming. I went to say it back but I could not speak without..." I hesitated for a moment and Tony wrapped me in a tight hug. "As soon as I opened my mouth to speak, I began to tear up a little bit. I knew if I spoke, I would cry. You have turned me into an emotional mess, Tony." I laughed into his ear. He laughed too, realising that it was true.

"You're adorable." He laughed, looking me in the eye. "Well, seeing as I still have a job, I should probably go home and get changed."

"I love you too." I said as he walked toward the elevator. He stopped and turned to face me. He smiled and walked off.


	6. The picture

There were no words to explain how grateful I was that Gibbs accepted our relationship. I loved Tony so much and I couldn't imagine life without him now. But even though I was grateful, and happy, and in love – something was not right... I just could not figure out what it was. It was only once Tony had gotten back from changing when I figured it out.

"Miss me?" Tony asked as he walked back into the bullpen. He looked at me and McGee and smiled. His smile disappeared quickly when he noticed Gibbs sitting at his desk though.

"Yeah, DiNozzo, heaps. Can you get back to work now?"

"Yes, Boss." He said before dumping his bag beside his desk. Before he got a chance to sit down, he noticed the photo that Gibbs placed on my desk earlier. He walked over, picked it up to look at it. "It's a good photo of you. I'm pretty sure it was taken from inside a car, or another building, though. Do you have a stalker I don't know about?" he joked.

"How do you know it is from in a car or building?" I asked curiously.

"You can see where the flash has reflected off what I'm guessing is a window, see." He said pointing to a section of the photograph that was brighter than the rest. I grabbed the photograph from his hand and walked over to Gibbs' desk.

"Yes, Ziva?" he asked without looking up from his paperwork.

"I was just wondering, where did you get this picture from?" my voice was soft, almost a whisper. Gibbs looked up at me with a look that said it all. His eyes told me my father had something to do with this. "Eli?"

"He's had someone watching you for a while now." Gibbs explained.

"And you knew about this?" I was angry. Angry at my father for sticking his nose into my life – where I did not want him. And angry at Gibbs for not telling me I was being followed.

"It was one of the conditions."

"Conditions? What conditions?"

"When we brought you back from Somalia, your father claimed that we had kidnapped you. His accusations could have ruined NCIS – we would have been shut down, and you would have been sent back to Israel. He told us you could stay here with us as long as he could send someone to check up on you every now and then."

"I am an American citizen; he cannot force me to go back to Israel."

"I assumed he had stopped when you became a citizen. Until I got a bunch of pictures sent to me." Gibbs continued.

"Wait, there are more pictures?"

"Yeah, I shredded them. I don't need to see that part of your relationship." He avoided eye contact with me while adding that last sentence. I blushed when I realized what he was hinting at.

"Gibbs, I never meant for any of this to happen."

'That sounds a lot like an apology, David." He looked up at me and smiled.

"I am not saying sorry, because I am not sorry. It is just... my fa-" I hated calling him my father, he was a lousy father. "Eli – had no right to send you those pictures, and I _do_ apologise on his behalf... which I can do because he _is_ weak." I smiled to myself. I had needed to say something like that for a long time. It may not have necessarily been true, but it sure as hell felt good to say.

"What makes you think he is weak?" Gibbs asked, noticing my smile and smiling back at me.

"He sent you the pictures, hoping you would do what he knew he would never be able to do." Gibbs smiled knowing that Eli was right. He could never convince me to leave tony. I doubt Gibbs could get me to do it either – but he had a better chance than Eli. Gibbs stood, preparing to leave the bullpen, but I grabbed his arm softly as he walked past. I turned so that I was facing him again, and he did the same.

"Yes, Ziva?"

"Why have you not killed Tony and me for going behind your back? We broke rule 12."

"Rule 51, Ziva. Sometimes, you're wrong. And in making rule 12, I _was_ wrong." He looked at McGee and Tony, who were looking at us, then he lowered his voice until it was a quiet whisper. "Jenny and I couldn't make things work, that's why I made rule 12. But you and DiNozzo... you're good for each other. He's different when he's around you. He shows off a little more but he's a lot less annoying." He smiled, so did I. "And you trust him, even after everything you two have been through. That's important. I really think things will work out with you two. But, if he ever does anything to hurt you – he's dead, got it?" he kissed me on the forehead and walked off.

"Got it." I whispered after he had left, then turned back and walked to my desk.

The rest of the day was boring. All three of us filled out paperwork and filed reports while Gibbs' time was shared between MTAC with Director Vance, autopsy with Ducky and the lab with Abby. Seven hours later, Gibbs dismissed us for the day.

**A/N :- I'm not really happy with this chapter but I'm having a bit of trouble writing down my ideas... my words are coming out in one big mess. Anyways, I thought it was better to add something small – maybe spark some creativeness. Next chapter will be much better – I hope.**


	7. Emotional Stress

**Hey guys! I just wanted to thank everyone for reading and thanks a bunch to all those who reviewed. You have been so great! And a special thanks to NCIS connection – you have been a great help. Thanks so much.  
Any conversation written in italics is what they're saying in Hebrew...**

Gibbs's POV

_One week later._

Ziva had been arguing with her father ever since she found about the photos. She hadn't said anything to any of us, but we all heard her angry conversations in Hebrew. And we all saw the emotional stress building up over the days. It wasn't long before her father (and the stress that seemed to follow him) became too much for her to handle, and she got very sick, very quickly.

Friday afternoon she got another call.

"Shalom." She said, not bothering to look at the caller ID. What seemed to start off as a civil conversation soon turned into another argument. '_What I want is for you to stay out of my life!'_ I heard her spit in her native tongue. She stood up and walked toward the elevator, stopping by the window next to it. As they argued, she looked out the window absentmindedly.

It was Wednesday when we began to see the physical signs that she wasn't coping well with this stress. She was much paler than usual and, even when she wore makeup, we could see bags under her eyes from lack of sleep. By now she was much worse though. She was weaker and her reflexes were slow – too slow. It was getting to the stage where it wasn't safe to take her out into the field anymore.

I looked over to DiNozzo, who was sitting at his desk, watching her with a worried look in his eyes. It was obvious that Ziva hadn't told him what was going on. If he knew Eli was having Ziva followed, he would be pissed, and do something that he regretted.

"DiNozzo," I called out to him.

"Getting back to work, Boss." He stated almost automatically, as if it were a reflex.

"No, get over here, now." He rose and walked over to me, glancing back over his shoulder to check on Ziva. She was now leaning against the wall, tears in her eyes. "She hasn't said anything to you?"

"No, Boss. I was kinda hoping she had said something to you..." he hinted.

"Nope. Take her home, find out what's wrong. I don't want to see either of you here 'til Monday." He walked over to his desk and grabbed his gear before heading to Ziva's desk and doing the same for her. He walked over to her and softly held her arm, leading her toward the elevator.

Ziva's POV

After I found out about what my father had been doing, I called him. Of course, it went straight to voicemail. I told him we needed to talk. Ever since then, he had been calling me every day, telling me different reasons as to why he did what he did. He said he wanted to be part of my life, but I wasn't allowing that. He said he trusted me, but couldn't trust _that American_. I knew he was talking about Tony. All I wanted was one reason – one true reason. Not another web of lies. Eli had spun a web and I was caught right in the middle of it. All I wanted was to escape – to be free – but I knew that would never happen. I love him, he is my father, but I wish he could see that all he needed to do to get me back was let me go. I told him that, but he said if he let me go he would never see me again.

Tony walked toward me with both our bags, and led me into the elevator. I continued with my conversation with Eli, knowing that Tony did not understand much Hebrew. It wasn't long after Tony walked over that Eli got mad at me again.

"I _was doing whatever I could to protect my daughter_!" he shouted at me through the phone.

"_Protect me? Protecting me has never been your first priority and do not even try telling me I am wrong!_" and with that, he hung up the phone. I sighed and cut off my end of the connection. I stared at the ground for a couple of seconds before being pulled back to reality by the force of the elevator stopping suddenly. Tony had 'done a Gibbs' and hit the emergency stop button.

"You going to tell me what's going on or do I have to guess?" he asked, turning to face me. I stayed facing the doors, refusing to look at him.

"Just a friendly family discussion, nothing to worry about."

"Yeah, that's why you have slept in a week, why you haven't eaten, and why, when you think I'm asleep, you cry until you're sick." He touched my forearm. His soft touch was enough to break me; I had been avoiding his touch for days now – even though it was what I really needed. I turned and crush my body into his, throwing my arms around his torso. "Ziva, this isn't like you."

"I'm giving him a chance to let me go." I explained to him, even though I knew he wouldn't understand.

"Why?"

"He deserves at least one chance."

"Really, I thought he had screwed up his one chance." Tony muttered, not meaning for me to hear, but I did. I looked up at him and his eyes apologised. But what he had said was true. I gave Eli another chance and he ruined it for himself. And now, here I am giving him yet another chance to prove himself – yet another opportunity to hurt me.

Tony hit the button again and the elevator started up. Soon enough we were in the building's garage walking towards Tony's car. My head was spinning and I felt weak, when I got the car I started coughing. The coughing was so painful, as if the lining of my throat was being ripped up. Tony ran around the car over to me and began rubbing my back. When I finally stopped coughing I leant my head onto his shoulder. Grabbed my wrist and held my hand up in front of his face.

"Ziva, you're coughing up blood! I'm taking you to the doctor." He opened the car door and helped me in. I hated doctors, and wanted to argue, but I didn't have the energy. There was a doctor about three blocks away from work so it wasn't long until we were there. We walked into the waiting room, I sat down and Tony sat beside me. "You feeling okay now?" he asked, looking down at my now clean hand.

"I am fine, Tony. I don't need to be here."

"Okay, in my experience, when you start coughing up blood, it means something is wrong."

"I do not like doctors. They are invasive."

"It's their job, Ziva." He laughed to himself. We poked our noses into the most personal aspects of peoples' lives and I was calling the doctors invasive.

"Still, I do not want to be here right now." Tony grabbed my hand and squeezed it gently.

"Miss David?" the receptionist asked, looking around the waiting room. I looked up and gave a half-hearted smile. "The doctor will see you now." She smiled back.

_Monday morning._

Gibbs POV

Monday morning. I hate Monday morning. Everyone seemed to slack off on a Monday morning.

Tony had called at about seven, saying Ziva couldn't come into work today. He had taken her to the doctor – and for Ziva to go to the doctor, something had to be seriously wrong. The doctor had diagnosed her with a severe case of 'stress'. Yeah, that's right. These days stress is an illness too. It was only about five years ago that it was something that you just had to get over – now doctors were writing notes to get people off work for weeks at a time.

I told DiNozzo he could come in later, if he wanted. I knew he was going to be worrying about Ziva all day, and with the case we had been given – having a distracted agent was only going to make this a lot harder than it already was.

It was now 0900 hours and McGee was busy doing some computer thing that I didn't understand, so I decided to check up on Ziva. I knew she would be at diNozzo's apartment – she always was.

I knocked on the dark wooden door, and three seconds later DiNozzo opened it and smiled.

"Hey Boss."

"Ziva here?" I asked after nodding my hello. He nodded yes and let me into the apartment.

"She's still asleep, I think." He answered then led me up to the bedroom. I saw Ziva, fast asleep in the bed, wrapped in layers of blankets, but still shaking.

"So, you sleep on the couch these days, huh?" I joked with DiNozzo. He 'Oh yeah'ed in a sarcastic manner. I walked up the bed and brushed Ziva's hair out of her face. This made her stir a little and start to wake up.

"Hey, Ziva." I said

"Tony..." she mumbled into her pillow.

"No, it's Gibbs." Tony said sitting down on his side of the large bed. Suddenly Ziva threw her hand up and pointed to the exact spot where Tony was.

"You, are Tony. You do not sound anything like Gibbs." She said, still not opening her eyes.

"But I _am_ Gibbs." I said, brushing her hand with my fingers again. She opened her eyes and looked at me. She rolled over to face me and smiled. "How are you feeling? You look a lot better."

"I feel a lot better too." She closed her eyes again for a couple of seconds before opening them and looking right into my eyes. It was obvious that she was tired, and trying to catch up on the sleep she missed during the week.

Without warning, she shot upright in bed and began coughing. Only a second had passed before Tony was sitting behind her, rubbing soothing circles on her back as she coughed into her hands. It sounded painful, and Tony and I both winced inwardly every now and then. Tears began to run down her cheeks, indicating exactly how much pain she was in. Tony grabbed her hair and pulled it back behind her shoulders and out of her face, while still rubbing her back. When she finally stopped coughing he handed her a water bottle. As she took a couple of small sips of water, he wiped away the tears that stained her cheeks. She leaned her head back on Tony's shoulder. He played with her hair with his right hand, and wrapped his left around her waist, kissing the top of her head. I took Ziva's hand, which had been lying motionlessly beside her for a while now, and squeezed it. It hurt to see someone I cared about so much in this much pain. Her cough reminded me of an angry dog barking at trespassers, but her face showed me a hurt little girl. I let go of her hand and stood up.

"DiNozzo, don't bother coming into work today, McGee and I have everything covered. Stay here; your job now is to make sure she gets better... and soon." Tony nodded and I walked out.

When I got back to NCIS, I was called up to Vance's office. He said it was urgent. I was surprised, and quite furious, to see Eli David standing there, waiting for me.

"Where is my daughter?" Eli spat at me as soon as I walked in.

"Not here." I said, stubbornly.

"I realized. She isn't at her apartment either. I need to talk to her."

"Why don't you just ask whoever you have following her?" the expression on Eli's face changed as I said those words. Vance looked at me, silently ordering me to tell Director David where his daughter was. I would have stood my ground, but I knew I had already pushed the boundaries with Vance too far. "She's at DiNozzo's apartment."

"You need to take me there." Eli ordered as if I worked for him. I folded my arms in front of me.

"She is sick, and it is best – for her – if you do not go anywhere near her." I replied.

"He is her father, if he wants to see her he has every right." Vance ordered.

"I'm not taking him to her. He is the reason she is sick." Eli and Vance both shot me a look of confusion.

"Care to explain, Agent Gibbs?" Eli asked offended at the accusation.

"Sure." I said getting more and more angry at the man who called himself a 'father'. "You, calling her every day to argue with her. You, begging for her to trust you, only to break that trust again. You, sending her to the middle of the desert to die. You, breaking her so that you can remould her into what you wanted her to be. You, not letting her go when you know that is what she needs because you have your own selfish reasons to keep her struggling to get away from you. You, and only you, are responsible for every emotional breakdown she has ever had. In a week she went from being perfectly happy to so stressed she is physically hurting – and it's because of your obsession with having to be able to control her."

"Agent Gibbs, I never knew you could speak so much." He laughed in my face. "But, I do believe it was you who told her about me having someone follow her – and I do believe that was what caused her 'emotional breakdown' as you called it. Her being sick is your fault, not mine."

"I'll let her know you were here." I said as I walked out of Vance's office. When I was back downstairs, I grabbed my cell and dialled DiNozzo's number.

"Yeah," I heard painful coughing in the background.

"Eli is here."

"What does he want?" he asked, being quiet. Ziva must have been trying to sleep.

"Ziva."


	8. They should have left you there

**Okay, so Eli really isn't this bad – I'm just good at writing him. He just really doesn't like Tony (for many reasons) and is disappointed that Ziva has chosen Tony over him.**

Ziva's POV

"Who was that?" I asked as Tony hung up the phone and walked back over to the bed. He sat down beside me and began playing with my hair, like he had for most of the morning.

"Just Gibbs, checking up on you again." I rolled over and wrapped my arms round his waist, tucking my head into his side. I was so tired, but I didn't want to fall asleep again... not yet anyway.

"He only just left." I stated.

"He left an hour and a half ago." My eyes shot open so that I could see if Tony was serious or not. He must have seen that I was confused – it only felt like half an hour ago that Gibbs was right here beside me. "You fell asleep for a while."

"Oh. Sorry."

"Don't be sorry. You need to sleep." He shuffled down so that he could lie beside me. He kissed my forehead. "Do you want more water?" I shook my head, no. "Something to eat?" again, I shook my head. "Okay, then I guess you can go back to sleep." He said, then kissed my forehead again and hugged me closer to him.

When I woke up, it was darker than when I fell asleep. Tony was still holding me in his arms, and was sleeping lightly. I turned to look at the alarm clock, trying not to wake Tony up, but failing.

"What's the time?" Tony asked, still half asleep.

"Almost seven, the sun is going down. I am going to go out on the balcony to watch it." I kissed his cheek then got out of bed. I had been lying down for about twelve hours, as Tony would not allow me to do anything else, so when I got up a little too quickly my head spun. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to stop the room from spinning around me. After a few seconds I was fine and began to walk outside.

I stood looking over the balcony for a few minutes before Tony joined me, passing me a drink then going back inside and dragging two chairs out to the balcony. We both sat down, I leant into the back of the chair and let my head hang back for a while. Tony leaned his elbows on his knees and angled in to face me. When he grabbed my hand, I lifted my head back up and looked at him. He looked like he had something he needed to say, and for a second I was scared he was going to propose, only relaxing when I remember this was Tony DiNozzo here with me.

"Ziva..." he started, sounding worried. I leant in closer to him, telling him he had my full attention. "I don't want you to feel pressured into saying yes but..."

"Oh my God you _are_ proposing!" I said, before I could filter what I was thinking.

"What? No, no I'm not proposing. Why, did you _want_ me to be proposing?" he asked, almost as worried as he was before.

"No!" I said, maybe a bit too quickly. "I mean, I love you, but I do not want to get married anytime soon, Tony."

"Well that's good because neither do I." He laughed when I relaxed.

"Then what is it that I'm saying yes to?" I asked. His smile disappeared. "Tony, what is it?"

"Your father is here... in Washington. And he wants to talk to you. Gibbs asked me to ask you if you were up to it or not. You don't have to."

"I know, but I want to." I surprised Tony, almost as much as I surprised myself. "I want you to be there with me. Please, just to make sure I do not start yelling and stressing."

"Yeah, of course. I'll go call Gibbs and let him know." He kissed me gently on the lips before going back into the bedroom to call Gibbs. It was only a short conversation, and Tony was back sitting next to me within two minutes. "I told him we would be in tomorrow morning." He said when he returned.

"Okay, thank you." I pushed my chair over closer to his so that I could lean on his shoulder.

"Gibbs doesn't like this." He said throwing his arm over my shoulders.

"What did he say?"

"That he wants you to get better, not worse." Tony began to chuckle to himself. "And that Eli's a smug bastard that needs a good punch in the face." I tried not to laugh, but I could picture Gibbs saying that... but never actually doing it. That was the difference between Gibbs, who I saw as my replacement father, and Eli, my real father. Gibbs would never hit Eli because he knew it would hurt me. Eli, on the other hand, did not care.

"I will be alright. I just need to keep things... nice." Tony laughed again at my hesitation. I punched his shoulder. "I can keep things nice!"

"Yeah, you just proved it by punching me!" he joked. Then he hugged me close to his body and turned to watch the sunset. It was something that seemed corny, but Tony and I watched the sun set together quite often, even before we were together. Sometimes, he would bring blankets out so that we could lay there and watch the stars, just talking about nothing in particular.

I slept easy last night knowing that Tony was going to be right by my side when I talked to Eli this morning. We drove to the Navy yard in silence. It was not awkward; there was just nothing that needed to be said. I walked into the bullpen and McGee smiled at me, then smiled at the protective way Tony was holding me. I looked up and noticed Gibbs was talking to Abby, who had not noticed me yet. Gibbs looked at me concerned, which made Abby turn around.

"Ziva! You're back! Are you all better?" she asked, crushing me into a hug.

"Better, but fragile, Abs." Tony said.

"Sorry, Tony. I'll be more careful next time." She joked with him.

"Tony, stop being so overprotective." I said jokingly. I began to laugh, but started coughing almost instantly. And like every other time I had one of my coughing fits, Tony snapped into action, getting me water and rubbing my back. I do not know why he rubbed my back, but it seemed to help. I walked over to my desk, still coughing, and sat down. Tears began to fill my eyes, it was so painful. I could feel that scratching on the inside of my throat. Then I felt a tear run down my cheek. Tony crouched down in front of me and wiped the tear away. I finally stopped coughing and took a sip of the water he had found for me.

"Ziva?" I heard come from behind me. I turned to see Eli standing there, no emotion on his face. "I'm so glad you agreed to see me." He said, walking around the orange dividers to stand in front of my desk. He looked at Tony with a look of disapproval at the way Tony was holding my hands. Tony stood, and took the plastic cup that held my water to the bin.

"It seemed like you had something important to tell me." I replied, waiting for Tony to come back to my side.

"Can we go somewhere more private?" Eli asked, looking around, noticing the audience.

"Of course, Eli. Come up to my office – it's probably got the most privacy." Vance said before Ziva could answer. Eli followed Vance up the stairs, Ziva followed Eli, and Tony followed Ziva. When they reached Vance's office, Vance left.

"He cannot stay." Eli said bluntly as Tony walked into the office after Ziva.

"He stays, or I leave with him." Ziva said, being just as blunt as her father. Eli exhaled and rolled his eyes.

"You always were stubborn when it came to your little 'flings'." Eli said, trying to make Tony feel insecure. Then he began speaking in Hebrew.

"In English, please." I wanted Tony to hear _and understand_ the full conversation.

"Sending you to America was the biggest mistake of my life. They have corrupted you, and made you weak. They made you a disappointment." I could see Tony getting madder with each word Eli said.

"I think you sending me here was the best thing you have ever done for me. America has made me realise that I do have a say in my own life."

"Oh, so you staying here has nothing to do with him making you think he loves you?" he threw his hand lazily in the direction of Tony, as if I did not already know who he was talking about.

"_Leave him out of it._" I said in Hebrew.

"I thought we were talking in English?" Eli asked, knowing he had found something that would get me mad.

"I want you to stay out of my life." I said, trying to stay as calm as possible.

"No." He stated clearly. He had no intention of leaving me alone. "You are my daughter and I _will_ be part of your life."

"I gave you a chance to be part of my life, and you ended up ruining it for yourself. I told you that if you let me go, I would come back in time, but you refused. Now, you have lost me forever."

"Ziva, I don't remember ever giving you a choice!"

"Neither do I!" I interrupted him. Tony moved forward and I grabbed his hand.

"Do not touch her!" Eli shouted.

"_He was there for me when you did not even care!_" I found myself shouting in Hebrew. A tear ran down my cheek as I remembered my time in Somalia, and my rescue, and when Tony told me he couldn't live without me.

"_See, weak._" He said softly as he walked to the door. "_I thought Somalia would make you stronger. They should have left you there._" His harsh words made more tears spill from my eyes; I turned to Tony and collapsed into his arms. My knees were weak and I could barely stand, so Tony lowered to the ground where we sat together, me crying into the crook of his neck.


	9. Abby, I need your help!

Tony's POV

_The ultimate test. Every relationship gets tested, most of the time leading to the demise of the relationship. But this test – this was the ultimate test. Gibbs' test seems almost insignificant now. Now, it's Eli David – Director of Mossad – that is testing me. Well, he isn't _really_ testing me, but I see it as a test._

_The guy hates me... and when I say hate I don't mean the 'he's a pain in the ass' hate. I mean the 'he pissed me off, shot my best agent and turned my daughter against me' hate. And that's the type of hate that would make a powerful guy like him consider making a not-so-powerful guy like me just disappear off the face of the Earth. And that's where the test comes in..._

_You see, usually I would use my brain and run – run away as far and as fast as I possibly could. I would just give the guy what he wants and then stay out of his life forever. But whenever I begin to think with my brain, my heart starts screaming. 'This is Ziva! I love Ziva. I would do anything for Ziva.' But then my brain replies. 'You need to be realistic here. Ziva is amazing, beautiful, smart, funny – why the hell would she love you back? You guys will end up breaking up, Eli will blame you and then before you know it you're dead.' Then, once again, my heart butts in and makes me feel horrible for even considering leaving Ziva. Even if she didn't love me back – she seemed happy for the moment. And who was I to take that happiness away from her because I was terrified of her father._

_Then, I would look at her and everything my brain told me just disappeared. She really was beautiful. The most beautiful thing I have ever seen. And I could call her 'mine'. Why would I ever consider giving that up? Am I an idiot? _

_She smiled at me and my heart made me feel even worse for being afraid. Ziva was the best thing in my life. I'm Tony DiNozzo, I have the world's biggest fear of commitment, and I have dreamt of marrying this woman, of having children with her, and growing old with her. Then her father says one stupid little thing and I get ready to take it all back. If this was a test, then I hope I'm making the right decision._

_I love Ziva David – and nothing (or no one) will ever make me leave her. She is my whole world and without her, I have nothing._

I walked up to Ziva, who was in the kitchen cooking dinner, the rest of the team were coming over. I grabbed her by the waist and pulled her back so that she was leaning against me. I kissed her neck and she leant her head back into my shoulder. She turned in my arms and pushed her lips against mine, before pulling away and looking at me.

"Are you okay, Tony?" she asked, holding my head in between her two hands.

"I'm fine, Ziva. Why?"

"You just, you seem like you are lost in your own little world sometimes. Constantly thinking about something."

"Well, I'm constantly thinking about how lucky I am to have an incredible person in my life." I said before kissing her again. We kissed until we were both out of breath.

"I love you." She said with a huge grin on her face. Seeing how happy she was with me made me feel so incredibly happy.

"I love you, too." She moved her hands from my chest, to the back of my neck, and then she pulled me down 'til my lips met hers again. Then there was a knock on the door. I cursed to myself quietly, but realised it wasn't quiet enough when Ziva burst out laughing. "I'll just go answer the door now." I said and walked off in the direction of the door. When I opened it I was greeted by Abby's beaming smile.

"I heard Ziva laughing... is she better now?" She asked.

"She's been better for a while now, Abby." I was confused. Ziva hadn't been sick for at least a fortnight now.

"No, I mean about her dad, what he said to her." She whispered.

"Oh, yeah. She's over it now. Well, not over it... but she's chosen to accept the fact that Eli's an asshole and she's moving on."

"Wow, you really don't like the guy."

"He told his daughter that we should have left her there to die." I said, before realising I probably shouldn't have.

"What? That's what he said to her?" Abby was shocked. She had always tried to believe there was some good in Eli – for Ziva's sake.

"Come in, Abby." Ziva said from behind me. Abby walked past me and hugged Ziva, before putting the salad she brought in the fridge. When Abby could no longer see us, Ziva glared at me.

"I'm so sorry." I mouthed to her. She walked up to me and kissed my cheek.

"Do not worry about it Tony." Within half an hour, everyone else had arrived and Ziva had finished cooking. I set the table and placed the dishes in front of everyone so that they could serve themselves.

Dinner was fantastic. The food was great, company was even better. But I spent most of the night off in my own little world. I was thinking about everything I've been through with Ziva, and how everything just seemed to make us even stronger together. I loved her so much – sometimes I was scared by how much I loved her.

"You okay, Tony?" Abby interrupted my thoughts. I looked up at her, then at everyone else, noticing they were all staring at me. Ziva moved her hand onto mine under the table and I looked at her.

"I'm fine." I said.

"No you are not, Tony. You have been spacing out all day. Something is bothering you." Ziva said, worried about what was going on in my mind. "You can talk to me, Tony." She squeezed my hand.

"Can I speak to you for a second?" I said looking at Abby, who was sitting across from me. "Please?" Abby nodded, but still looked confused. I walked down to the bedroom and she followed me. When she entered the room I shut the door and turned to face her.

"What's going on Tony? You're freaking everyone out, especially Ziva!"

"I need your help with something."

"If I help will you snap out of it?" she asked.

"I will snap out of it right now."

"Then, I will be happy to help. What is it?" she was now smiling. She loved plotting things secretly.

"I need you to _subtly_ find out how Ziva feels about marriage." I made the word subtle very known. Abby's jaw just dropped and she stared at me. I didn't know how long it was going to take for her to get over the initial shock so I just continued. "A while ago it was kind of brought up in a conversation and she said she didn't want to get married for a while yet but I thought maybe if it was a long engagement..."

"You're going to ask her to marry you?" Abby said, very, very loudly. I shushed her before she could start squealing. "Sorry." She said softly.

"Are you going to help me?"

"YES!" she almost yelled at me. Once again, I shushed her. We both laughed then walked back out to join everyone. Everyone stared at me, when I looked up and smiled they turned their focus to Abby whose smile was beaming. She giggled like a little school girl.

"Abby!"

"What, I like how they all assumed you told me something worth knowing about." She recovered. I liked her story, and was going to play along with it. I'm an awful actor, so I just laughed and shook my head. Everyone went back to talking, except Ziva. She knew I told Abby something – something big.

**Ziva's POV**

When dinner was finished, the boys moved to the other room to watch the football game on the big TV. I went over to wash the dishes.

"Here, I'll do them." Tony offered, seeing me at the sink.

"No, I got it." Abby said, smiling at Tony. She walked over and grabbed the dish towel, drying off the few dishes I had already washed. "Thanks for dinner, Zi, it was amazing." She smiled.

"No problem. I like cooking, it is a good way to relax."

"Hmm... cooking just stresses me out. Mainly because I have no idea what I'm doing." Abby laughed. I looked over to where the boys were sitting and noticed Tony was watching me. He smiled his most charming smile and I blushed a little. I looked at Abby, who had seen the whole thing. "You two are so adorable together!" Abby started, we had already had this conversation a million times, each time more embarrassing than the last. It was not the fact that people thought we were cute that embarrassed me – it was the fact that people noticed all the small things that made us 'cute'.

"Yeah, you keep telling me." I laughed, trying to hide my blushing cheeks.

"Do you think he's going to propose?" the question came from nowhere. It took me a while to gather my thoughts and form an answer for her.

"Yeah, because Tony is the marriage type." I managed to say sarcastically.

"Yeah, but he's changed so much since being with you. I mean, with Tony it will be a very long engagement but... I don't know... I think he's got it in him." I looked back to Tony, who was now watching the game, and smiled.


	10. The proposal

"I saw that!" Abby screamed excitedly. I pushed my hand up to her mouth and shushed her. She laughed when she noticed everyone had turned around to look at them.

"Saw what?" Tony asked.

"I... um..."

"She picked her nose." Abby butted in.

"Ew, I did not!" I defended myself while Tony and McGee just laughed.

"Okay, then what did I see?"

"Nothing." I said, slowly, warning her not to continue. She just smiled, before telling Tony and McGee to watch the game.

"Are you going to tell me what I saw now?"

"You seemed pretty sure of what you saw..." I replied.

"Ziva – do you, or do you not, want to marry Tony?"

"It doesn't matter, he's not going to ask me. This is Tony we're talking about."

"Okay. Imagine he just asked you to marry him... what do you say?"

That was a good question. What would I say? Yeah, I loved Tony. And marrying him would definitely fit into my plan. But I didn't want to get married anytime soon. Maybe if Abby was right, if it was a long engagement, then I would say yes. I couldn't help but smile at the thought of being engaged to Tony.

"There it is again!" Abby said snapping me out of my daydream. "You would totally say yes wouldn't you?"

"If you're right, and he wants a long engagement, then..." I paused, and looked at the hope in Abby's eyes. Then, something made me curious. "Why are you asking?" she suddenly looked worried.

"Uh, I was just wondering. It's me... I always want to know these kinds of things." That was true. So I was happy with her answer, for now. Then I continued with what I was saying.

"Okay, if it was a long engagement then, yes. I would say yes." Abby squealed and once again the boys looked at her, wondering what we were talking about.

"Ziva's pregnant!" she exclaimed before I could stop her. Tony looked at me in utter fear.

"What? No I'm not!" I shouted at her, then turned to Tony. "I'm not... I... I am not pregnant." Everyone looked back at Abby.

"Sorry, next time you should make up the cover story." She apologised.

We finished doing the dishes, then went and joined the boys. Abby sat in the free seat, next to McGee, and rested her head on his shoulder – not that he would complain. I sat on the floor in front of Tony, sitting in between his knees. Tony leaned forward until his face was beside mine.

"The whole pregnancy thing..." he began but I interrupted him.

"Tony, if I were pregnant, you would be the first to know, okay? So stop worrying." I said, and Gibbs laughed quietly to himself.

"Just checking." Tony said before kissing the side of my head and leaning back. He placed his hands and my shoulders and began to massage them. I leant my head forward and shut my eyes. I do not really enjoy watching football – not as much as playing it anyways – so for the rest of the game I just sat there with my eyes closed, enjoying Tony's massage. Every now and then I would open my eyes and watch the game, but not for long.

When the game was over, Gibbs' thanked us for dinner and went home. Abby and McGee stayed for a while longer and we just talked about any random thing we could think of. They both left at around eleven o'clock. I noticed Abby and Tony talking about something before she left.

"Hello, beautiful." Tony said with a wide grin on his face as he walked into the bedroom. He walked up to me and began massaging my shoulders like he was earlier in the night. This time, though, I had no reason to hold back my reaction to his touch. I leant my head back onto his shoulder and let out a soft moan. When I rolled my head to the side, he kissed my neck.

"What have I done to deserve this treat?" I asked, turning my entire body 'til I was facing him. I wrapped my arms around his waist and he leant his forehead against mine.

"You made me fall in love with you." He whispered before kissing me slowly. I ran my hands up his front and snaked them around his neck, pulling myself up so that I could deepen his kiss. He put his hands on my hips and pulled them towards his. I took a few steps back, knowing exactly where the bed was. I broke away from the kiss and walked around the side of the bed and sat, resting my back against the headboard. He crawled up the bed until his body was over mine, and he kissed me, more passionate then the last, but still gentle and romantic. Soon, he was kneeling between my legs, one hand on each of my knees, which were tucked up near my chest, and looking deep into my eyes. I moved my hand up and placed it on his cheek, gently rubbing my thumb across his cheekbone.

"I was talking to Abby before." I started. "She really made me think about some things."

"I know." He smiled, then leaned in to kiss me. He moved his hands to my side. He leaned back, without breaking the kiss, encouraging me to move with him. I pushed myself off the headboard and he pulled my body over until I was sitting on his lap. He moved his hands around to my lower back, holding my body against his. "I talked to Abby too." He said against my lips.

"Yeah, I saw that. What were you two talking about?" I pulled my face away from his. "One minute you were completely distracted by something, then you talked to Abby and you were perfectly fine. Have I been... replaced?" I asked, feigning hurt.

"Definitely not." He said rubbing my lower back. I kissed his forehead softly before speaking again.

"Is anything wrong?" he shook his head.

"I asked Abby to do me a favour." He began to explain.

"Okay, is there anything I can help with?" I asked, feeling helpless.

"There is now that Abby's done her part." He began to smile the biggest smile I have ever seen.

I nodded. "Anything, I will do anything for you Tony." I leant my forehead back against his, closed my eyes and whispered "I love you. What can I do?"

"You can say 'yes'." He whispered back. I opened my eyes, wide, and looked at him. So many thoughts rushed through my head. I wanted to say yes, even before he asked the question, but I was speechless. "Ziva David..." he began, taking his time as if it were to purposely tease me. "Will you make me the happiest man on Earth... by marrying me?"

I leant forward and pushed my lips against his. He moved his hands up to either side of my face and deepened my kiss. I pulled away and he tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear.

"Is that a yes" he asked cautiously. Of course it was a yes! But stupid me still could not seem for form the words. In my head, I was screaming a 'yes' in a million different languages, and yet, my mouth couldn't even manage English. I knew the longer I kept quiet, the more he would begin to doubt himself, so I nodded my head vigorously. He laughed and hugged me tight against his body. After several minutes, I finally trusted myself enough to speak.

"I love you, Tony." I whispered and kissed his neck.

"I love you too." He said before capturing my lips with his own.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Okay, so I know it's been, like, forever since I've updated. I've been really busy and I'm really really sorry to keep you guys waiting like that. But, here's the next chapter. I hope it's okay, my creativeness just kinda disappears every now and then... And, I know it's short, but I'll probably have another up tonight. Maybe even three short ones.**

**P.S thanks to everyone who reviewed. I love hearing what you guys think :D And I promise if the reviews keep coming, I'll try to update a lot quicker :D**

Usually when the alarm goes off of a morning, I rise almost instantly and prepare myself for my morning run. But this morning, I did not want to leave Tony's side... my _fiancé's_ side. He was so warm. I rolled on my side to turn off the alarm, and then back toward him and buried my face in his bare chest. As soon as I did this, his arms tightened around my waist.

"Not going for your morning run?" he asked drowsily.

I groaned against his chest before answering. "I want to stay here. I'm comfortable." As soon as I finished my sentence, a loud banging came from the front door of the apartment.

"Great, you just jinxed us both." Tony grumbled. I playfully slapped his chest and laughed.

"Put some clothes on, Tony. We have to get ready for work anyway."

I got up and wrapped myself in my dressing gown. The banging at the door continued and seemed to be getting louder. I opened the door and impatiently looked at the man standing there, looking confused.

"Yes?"

"Uh, is this... um... is this Alexandra's place?" he asked, checking the number beside the door.

"No, it's not."

"Oh, okay. I'm sorry to wake you." he said nervously before walking off briskly. I shut the door and walked toward the kitchen, where Tony was making coffee.

"Who was that?" he asked.

"I do not know but I gave him and evil glare on your behalf." I smiled.

"Ah, good girl." He said, patting the top of my head. He leant in to kiss me but I playfully pulled away. "What? What have I done now?" he asked, innocently.

"You were patting me... like a dog."

"But, I love dogs..." he smiled the famous DiNozzo smile and I _almost_ gave in. Realizing I wasn't going to, he grabbed my hand and began playing with my fingers. "You know, this finger here" he began to play with the ring finger on my left hand, "This finger here looks a bit lonely. Maybe we should find it a nice diamond friend." He smiled again. I leant in and kissed him gently, as if he would break if I didn't.

"Get ready for work. Abby is going to want details."


	12. Chapter 12

"Hello you two. What have I done to get a visit from you so early in the morning Tony?" Abby said cheerfully as we walked into her lab. She already had a Caf-Pow! in her hand.

"Well, Abby, Ziva has some news for you." Tony replied, equally as cheerful.

Abby looked at me wide-eyed, knowing what Tony was talking about. I tried to stop it but somehow a huge smile crept across my face and when Abby launched herself forward for a hug, I met her halfway. I laughed as she squealed and I felt like a little girl again.

"I want every single little detail! Do not miss anything!"

"Well, after you and McGee left-" Tony started.

"We went to bed." I finished, turning to look at him for confirmation. He nodded his head.

"Then we started talking about something." He continued.

"Yes, I asked if you were okay. Then I asked if I was being replaced by Abby."

Abby smiled at the thought. The rest of the conversation was filled with 'then he...' and 'then she...' followed by the occasional 'aw...' by Abby.

"So, did you two totally have celebratory sex?" Abby asked raising her eyebrows at me mischievously.

"Don't answer that." Gibbs said entering the lab.

"Please." McGee added.

"Well don't you even want to know why they're celebrating?" Abby asked, shocked at the lack of interest shown by her two friends.

"They got engaged." Gibbs stated matter-of-factly.

"How did you know that?"

"Gibbs knows everything, Abby." Ziva said. Gibbs looked at Tony and raised an eyebrow.

"I told him, the other night, that I planned on proposing." Tony explained.

"You told Gibbs before you told me?" Abby asked, hurt.

"You asked Gibbs' permission?" McGee asked Tony.

"Well he wasn't gonna get a yes from Eli, that's for sure." Gibbs put in, hoping to hurry up the conversation. When the room went silent, he walked over to me and placed a soft kiss on my forehead. "You got _the_ Tony DiNozzo to propose." I smiled and he put his hand on my cheek. "I'm glad you're happy." He kissed my forehead again, then walked away.


	13. Agent Afloat

_One month later..._

"Agent DiNozzo." a voice called from the stairs in the Bullpen. Tony and I both looked up, to see Vance standing, waiting for Tony. Slowly, he rose and followed the director to his office.

TONY'S POV

"Agent DiNozzo, I have an assignment for you. Agent Afloat on one of our Amphibious Assult ships in the Pacific."

"How long?" was all I could manage to say.

"Unknown. Could be anywhere between a month and a year. It has come to my understanding that you will have to discuss this with Agent David..." he hinted.

"I can't be gone for a year, sir."

"I'll do my best to have you home as soon as possible. You're one of our best agents, I would like to have _you_ do this, but you do not have to accept."

I nod my head, I understand. But I still feel as though I have no choice. If I decline, will there be repercussions?

"Think about it, but I would like an answer by tomorrow if possible." Vance was being nice, too nice.

"Yes, sir." I walked out of his office as quick as possible. This room had always made me feel intimidated. I liked it better when Jenny sat in the big chair, though. She had the 'mothers touch' that made everything feel... nice.

"What did he want?" Gibbs asked as soon as I walked back into the bullpen. I looked over to Ziva's desk to see that she wasn't there.

"Assignment. Agent Afloat."

"When do you leave?"

"I haven't decided if I'm gonna go or not, yet."

"You really think Leon's giving you a choice?"

"He said to talk it over with Ziva. Where _is_ Ziva?" I asked.

"Right here, Tony. Is everything okay?" she walked in holding four coffees. She handed one to Gibbs, then turned back to me, waiting for my answer.

"Yeah, fine. Why wouldn't it be?" I took the coffee from her hand and sipped it. Hot. Too hot.

"You seem... distracted."

"Yeah, I need to talk to you, later. For now, we should work." Why did I say that? Work? Now she definitely knew there was something wrong. The look on her face said it all, she was worried. Worrying over nothing, really. If she didn't want me to go, I wouldn't. It's as simple as that.

I mean, I probably could survive a couple of months without seeing her every day. I could call her every day. And send her postcards. Abby loved the postcards last time. I should send postcards to Abby to. But that's only if I go. Because, if I go, and then have to stay for _a year _I might go crazy. A year without Ziva. Without being able to hold her, and kiss her goodnight, and tell her I love her... I've turned into such a girl.

The day went by pretty quick. Vance made an appearance numerous times throughout the day, each time Ziva got more and more concerned until finally she cracked.

"Can someone please tell me what's going on?" she asked, frustrated, to no one in particular. Vance looked at me, eyebrows raised.

"I'm working. We'll talk later." I told Vance. All he wanted was his answer. He would get it when I was good and ready.

"I want my decision, DiNozzo. Either you give it to me, or I'll decide for you."

"I knew the nice Vance wouldn't last long..." Vance shot me a glare, and walked off, back to his office. I looked over to Ziva, to see her still staring at me. "Boss, Ziva and I are taking a break." I said as Gibbs enetered the room again, fresh coffee in hand.

ZIVA POV

Tony stood from his desk and walked toward the elevator. I rose from my chair and followed his lead. The elevator took us to the ground level. In silence we exited the building, and began to walk through the park across the road.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on now?" I asked after too much silence.

"Vance wants me to give the whole 'Agent Afloat' thing another go."

"When?"

"He wants my decision by tomorrow."

"How long will you be gone?" I did not really want to know the answer to that question. I was scared that it would be for a long time. My fears increased when he stopped walking, and looked me right in the eye.

"He doesn't know. Said it could be a month. Or a year. Maybe even longer." I couldn't look at him anymore. His eyes were filled with what he really wanted to say. He was basing his decision on _me_. I looked down at my feet. "Ziva, I don't have to do it."

"Do you want to do it?" I asked still not looking at him.

"I don't want to be away from you..."

"What if we were not together, would you do it then?"

"What are you saying?" he lifted my chin, forcing me to look at him.

"I did not mean it like that, Tony. I am not breaking up with you. I just... What if Vance asked you to do this _before _we got together? Would you have said yes?"

"Maybe. I don't know. This didn't happen before, this is happening now. So I'm going to treat it like it's happening now. Ziva, you get a say in this too."

"What if I don't want a say in it?" tears began to form in my eyes. The silence that followed was painful, too painful. I could not take it anymore. I needed him to say something, anything.

"Just yes or no. That's all I need. Do you want me to stay?"

I was quiet for what felt like an eternity. Of course I wanted him to stay, but I know that by the end of his last Agent Afloat assignment, although he was glad to be off the boat, he was beginning to enjoy himself. I didn't want him to stay because of me, then end up regretting his decision.

"No. You should go, do your thing." I kissed his cheek before turning and walking back to NCIS.

"Agent DiNozzo, have you made up your mind yet?" Vance asked Tony as he walked past the bullpen. Everyone was packing up, getting ready to go home. Tony looked at me, one more time, just to be sure. I simply nodded.

"When do I leave?" Tony forced a smile.

"Monday morning." Vance said, shocked to actually have an answer. "Take the weekend off to pack your bags. I'm sure Gibbs can cope without you." Vance left for the night. The only people left in the building, other than security, was team Gibbs - McGee, Tony, Ziva, Abby and Gibbs himself.

"You sure about this, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked.

"Yeah, boss. It's good to do something different for a while, mix it up a little bit." he smiled, although it was obviously forced.

"And how do you feel about this, Ziva?" Abby asked, hating the idea of Tony leaving.

"His decision." was all I could say.

"Not what I asked, David."

"You are mad at me now?"

"Yes! How can you just let him go like this? He's meant to be your fiance!"

"Abby..." Tony started, but was cut off by Abby.

"No, Tony. I want to know how she is alright with just letting you leave like this." she was angry, which was understandable. Last time he left, she thought he was never coming back.

"He is coming back, Abby. We know that he is coming back this time."

"You never know if someone is coming back or not, Ziva. But that's not even the point. The point is, he is supposed to be here, not off in the middle of some ocean! If you two are fighting, this isn't the way to sort it out."

"We aren't fighting, Abs." Tony hugged her.

"Then why are you leaving? And why isn't she stopping you?"

"Because sometimes... sometimes life is just... crappy. And sometimes you have to be away from the ones you love. Just for a little while." he kissed the top of her head, then pulled away slightly to look into her eyes. "I'll send you postcards." he smiled. And she smiled too.

"So you and Ziva are okay?" I heard her whisper. Tony let go of Abby and walked over to me, placing his hands on my waist and pulling me closer to him.

"So... are we okay?" he repeated Abby's question, as if to get confirmation before he answered her. I looked into his eyes and nodded. he pulled me in and I rested my head on his chest. When he had wrapped his arms around my body, I closed my eyes and let a single tear fall.


	14. Letters

_To my dearest Tony,_

_ I miss you more and more each day. I know it has been barely two months since you left but I feel as though I have been missing you for years. Please take care of yourself while you are gone. Abby would be devastated if anything were to happen to you._

_ She has been talking about you every day, non-stop – almost. She has even put the calendar back up, you know, the one with your face, and she counts the days that you've been gone. 49 days…_

_ McGee has been doing his best to fill your shoes as senior field agent. But for some reason, he struggles to be as mean and annoying as you could._

_ We all miss you so much. Please come back soon._

_Forever and always,  
Ziva._

The bullpen was practically empty, as usual this early in the morning. Gibbs was here, but McGee probably wouldn't arrive for another thirty minutes or so, which gave me plenty of time to write to Tony.

I do not understand why it was so difficult for me to reply to Tony's postcards. It felt like whatever I said, it was not good enough. I either sounded too needy, or as though I did not miss him at all. All I want to do is tell him I love him, and am thinking of him, without sounding like a teenage girl who hasn't seen her footballer crush in an hour.

I had one phone call from Tony, about a week ago. We did not get to talk for very long but I had enjoyed our conversation nevertheless. He told me Abby had been sending him postcards in bundles and how they made him laugh. He said they made him miss home, but appreciate being away at the same time.

I just want him here.

But I am glad he is enjoying himself. I knew he had liked his last agent afloat assignment more than he had said. This is a great opportunity for him, and I just need to keep reminding myself of that.

"Good morning Ziva. How was your weekend?" McGee asked, rather chirpy as he walked over to his desk, sitting down and peering over his computer screen in my direction, waiting for my response.

"It was good, thank you McGee. How was yours? You had a date, yes?"

"I wouldn't call it a date… but I did have company. And we had a very… good night."

"Why the hesitation?" curiosity filled my mind.

"Well, it just isn't really what Tony would class as a good night, if you know what I mean. It was nothing like… that. It was just… an old friend, catching up, getting things back to how they should be. I found it to be very rewarding." His smile could light up the entire room at this moment. It was as if nothing could ruin this day for him. It made a nice change.

"I'm happy for you, Tim."

"Thanks." He flashed an even bigger smile that I couldn't help but match with my own.

McGee got straight to work after that, which gave me time to get back to what I was doing, writing to Tony. But the words still weren't coming to me. Maybe I should just send my 'teenage girl' letter. It's the best I've got so far. And I'm sure he would appreciate anything really, as long as he had heard from me. I fold it up, slip it into an envelope and write the postal address on it, then slip it into the pocket of my jacket, hanging over my chair behind me.

Most of the day was just running accounts and getting background information for the case we were working at the moment, a marine found in an alley, shot through the head, gun in hand. Nothing was showing, really, so it was a pretty slow day. Abby had no luck with ballistics or any other physical evidence, and Palmer found nothing _useful_ on the body during autopsy. It was discovered that the marine had died of a heart attack several hours before he was shot, yet the trajectory of the bullet suggests that it was, indeed, suicide. Nothing was adding up at all, and Gibbs was getting frustrated. By evening, we still had nothing. McGee and I were preparing for an all-nighter: Chinese take-out, extra-large coffees and files moved to the floor, where we could spread everything out to see easier.

"You know what we need now?" McGee asked in between scoops of fried rice.

"One of Tony's bizarre movie theories?" McGee nodded. "Yeah, I've been thinking the same thing all day."

The room went back to silence as we browsed through emails, bank account and phone records for the sixth time tonight. A few minutes had passed when McGee spoke again.

"Do you think we could set up a video call to him?"

"McGee, it's almost 11pm!"

"Who cares? He'll be awake, he always is. I'll set it up on my computer." He stood up and walked toward his computer. Within seconds, the call was up on the monitor, just waiting for someone to answer. Once we got a hold of Tony we explained the case to him. He suggested a few scenarios, but none were credible.

"So pretty much, someone stole a dead body, and staged a suicide?" he questioned.

"Yes." McGee and I replied in unison.

"Why stage the suicide if they didn't murder the marine?"

"That is what we are trying to figure out, Tony." I couldn't break eye contact. I was seeing him for the first time in weeks. I didn't realize how difficult this would be, how much I would miss him.

"Maybe someone thought they had killed him?" he suggested.

"How?"

"I don't know McGee, why don't you start coming up with some ideas." Tony joked, "This isn't even my case and I'm doing all the work!"

"You've barely done anything, we've been talking to you for," McGee looked at his watch "nineteen minutes."

"Best nineteen minutes of your night, though, isn't it McGeek."

McGee just rolled his eyes and walked back to our pile of files, beginning to go through them all again.

"Hey baby." Tony's whisper came through the speaker. I very much disliked it when he called me baby in front of other people, but I couldn't help but smile when I heard it.

"Hello Tony."

"How have you been? Long time no talk."

"Yeah, sorry about that. It has been difficult finding time to call you between when I'm at work, and when you are on duty. But I have been good. You?"

"Yeah, I've been alright. Getting used to the whole… water thing. No more seasickness for me, no sir! How is our baby doing?"

McGee's head shot up and Tony burst into laughter.

"Just joking McGoo." He continued to laugh and McGee shook his head, going back to the files. "Anyways, I have to go get some shut eye. I'll talk you again soon. Love you."

"Love you too. Goodnight." And with that, the signal shut off and I went back to work.


	15. The Incident

After our call to Tony, little pieces of information started to come together to help us solve our case. The marine's wife had been having an affair, and her and her other partner had planned on poisoning the marine so that they could be together. The wife was scared of how a divorce would look, but eventually decided that she didn't care and she would rather wait and do this the right way. Her partner, however, did not want to wait for a divorce to go through, and said he was going to take matters into his own hands. When the wife found her husband, she thought he had been poisoned and tried to cover it up.

"And that, Ziva, is why you don't get married." McGee was just joking around with me but I couldn't help but wonder. Tony had been a 'player' in the past, but could he ever hurt me like that? I decided I was just being paranoid, and pushed those thoughts out of my mind.

It was later afternoon, we didn't have another case and most of our paperwork was completed and filed away so Gibbs gave McGee and me an early mark. When I arrived home, I looked around. For some reason it didn't really feel like home. I had been staying at Tony's apartment while he was away. It was comforting. But for some reason, this afternoon, I did not want to be in Tony's apartment. My own felt more comforting.

I threw my backpack on the couch as I walked past, and headed straight to the shower. The hot water washed away all the stress of the previous night, and massaged my neck and back which were sore from the endless hours of hunching over files and false leads. I would stay in here forever if I could. I turn the water off and almost instantly the cool air hits my body, making my spine tingle, and covering my flesh with tiny little bumps. I grab my towel and wrap it around my body before heading to the bedroom to get dressed. I put on my most comfortable pair of tracksuit pants, and a loose fitting top, the perfect outfit for a night in watching movies. I brush my hair, and dry it slightly. It won't be long until it begins to curl. I stare at my reflection in the mirror for a while. The silence reminds me of when I first moved to the states, so many years ago. How I have changed since then. Sometimes I wonder if Tali would be proud of who I have become. Would she like this 'softer' version of me? A knock on the front door brings me out of my trance. Who would be knocking on my door now?

"Ziva," Gibbs smiles when I answer the door, then lets himself in. "I honestly didn't expect to find you here. I thought you were staying at DiNozzo's apartment?"

"I was. I just thought it was about time I came back here for a bit." There was silence for a moment. I knew Gibbs was here for a reason, and by the looks of it, he wasn't going to just tell me why. "Would you like a drink or anything?"

"No, it's okay. I'm not going to stay for long, I just…"

"Yes, Gibbs?"

"I got a call from Vance. There's been an incident." My stomach tightened as soon as I heard the words. It hurt to breathe. "Vance sent several agents afloat, there's no confirmation that it's Tony."

"They didn't tell Vance who it was?" Or was Vance just not confirming?

"They have to inform next of kin first. I am only here to give you some warning; you _may _be getting a visit, most likely tonight. But like I said, the chances of it being DiNozzo are slight. Vance sent many agents." Gibbs puts a hand on my shoulder and forces eye contact. I am about to tell him that I am alright when there's another knock on the door. Suddenly, I'm not as alright as I thought I was.

I look at the door, then back to Gibbs. My heart is screaming at me – do not answer the door, maybe they'll go away. Slowly I walk up to the door and brace myself for what might be there. _You're just paranoid again Ziva, it's been happening a lot lately, pull yourself together woman! _

"Miss Ziva David?" I am address by two men in uniform. Coincidence. No such thing.

"Yes, that's me." Keep breathing, relax.

"We have been informed that you are engaged to Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo?"

"Yes…" By this point Gibbs was standing by my side.

"Agent DiNozzo was in an incident aboard the US assault ship several days ago, Miss David. He was taken immediately to the ship's doctor, however the doctor aboard recommended him to be transferred to a hospital. Yesterday afternoon he was transferred back here to the local hospital so that he could be with family. If you would like to come with us, we will escort you to him."

"I would like to come too" Gibbs stopped forward to become visible to the men at my door. They looked to me for permission, and I nodded my approval. Of course I would want Gibbs there. I kept replaying everything they had said over and over in my mind. He was in hospital, that means he is still alive. There was still hope in my heart.


	16. Chapter 16

****NOTE: Just a short one, and super predictable, I know. But it gets better, I swear! Sorry it's taken me so long to upload more stuff. I was blank for like a year and then, BAM, ideas just came to me. Earlier this week I was told that Cote De Pablo will be leaving NCIS forever *cries* so I guess this is just me being all in denial and creating my own story in which Ziva never leaves! I do think it will be interesting to see how they write her out though… Anyways, enjoy!**

On the way to the hospital Gibbs called McGee and Abby. They met us there, as well director Vance. We got to Tony's room and all I wanted to do was give him a great big hug. We walked in – he was asleep. He must have heard us all come into the room because he started to turn. His eyes slowly opened and he stared right at me. Those bright green, hypnotic eyes. I was seeing them in person again, and for that moment I was happy.

"Hey Boss!" he exclaimed happily, turning his eyes away from mine.

"Hey DiNozzo." Gibbs' stern reply clearly meant to be interpreted as 'what the heck have you gotten yourself into, boy!'

"Abby! McGeek! Why you looking you so down. Come here and give me a hug, Abs!" Abby walked over, gently hugged him and then sat beside me. McGee sat in the seat next to the bed and Gibbs and I stood at the foot of the hospital bed.

"How are you feeling?" Gibbs asked, concerned.

"Yeah, alright at the moment. But I'm pretty dosed up on pain killers right now. Last night was horrible! They were transferring me here and there was like a half hour period between the drugs wearing off and the next dosage and oh gosh I was just in so much pain."

"Ugh, that sounds so horrible Tony." Abby shuddered just thinking of the pain.

"Not as horrible as when it happened. I don't really remember much, all I remember is feeling the knife being slowly pulled out of me and oh gosh! Worse than childbirth… well, I can imagine." He laughed. He was right, the pain killers were doing wonders. "Hey boss, just a question… where's Kate?"

"Two men on the ship were fighting. Your agent tried to break up the fight and ended up getting stabbed in the abdomen. He lost a lot of blood, and the ship's doctor said it took a while to stop the bleeding. He was unconscious for a significant amount of time, and the lack of oxygen to the brain has caused some temporary memory loss. As far as we know, he recalls everything except being assigned the agent afloat assignment."


	17. Lost

****Note: thanks for the reviews guys, I love love LOVE reading them! Anyways, another short one for now. Thinking I'm just going to upload a few short ones tonight. I think if I try to make them longer, the kind of become, like, boring. I am my worst critic! ENJOY!**

"Boss…?" the confusion on Tony's face was almost as unbearable as knowing that he had no clue who I was. Everything we had worked toward; everything we had was now nothing.

"Tony… Don't you remember?" Abby questioned, already trying to fight the tears. Tony did not answer Abby's question. Instead, he looked at his Boss knowing that Gibbs would provide the answers needed.

"This isn't the time, or the place." Gibbs aimed more-so at us than Tony, pleading for no one to explain the situation just yet. He was right, this wasn't the time. Tony needed to adjust to being back, before we dragged the world he can remember from underneath him – no matter how much it was killing me. Tony seemed satisfied, for the moment, but in time he would get his answers one way or another. I could just tell that there was one question he wanted answered sooner rather than later, though. Who the hell was I? An unknown foreign woman, standing by his hospital bed on the verge of tears. As the friends began talking, I soon realized this was not going to get any easier.

"Excuse me" I muttered, barely loud enough for anybody to hear, before practically running out of the room and into the hall. Suddenly it was as if I did not need to hide my emotion anymore, and it all came to the surface. Tears flooded my vision and my chest tightened. _Be strong, Ziva. _Did I too have to forget the past seven years? Would he hate me for replacing Kate? Would he be able to grieve for her again? Are his feelings for her back?

I leant back against the wall, and slid to the ground. My legs were no longer strong enough to hold myself up. With my head in my hands, I let the first tear fall, followed by another. I need to breathe. Why can't I breathe? Because it hurts…

Everything hurts without Tony. And what makes it worse is, I have not actually lost him. He is right here, dangling in front of me and yet I cannot have him. No matter how far I reach out, I cannot touch him. I tell him I love him, but he is too far to hear me. I am helpless. Lost.


	18. The aftermath

When I woke up I was at Gibbs' house. The familiar surroundings of his lounge room were comforting, but troubling at the same time. How did I get here?

"Morning, Ziva." Gibbs greeted me from the kitchen. I hadn't even noticed him standing mere metres away. I smiled, and rose from the couch where I had been asleep. "Coffee?"

"No thank you. I should probably go home."

"Whose home? Yours or Tony's?" Gibbs stated bluntly, taking another sip from his coffee.

The thought had not even occurred to me. I cannot consider Tony's apartment to be 'home' anymore. I was comfortable there, I felt safe there, but that did not matter.

"Mine. I have no reason to be at Tony's place anymore."

"I have explained everything to him. What happened to Kate, who you are, everything. He's been asking about you, he worried about you." I could not help but snicker at Gibbs' comment. He cannot be asking about me, or worried about me, because he does not even know who I am. "Ziva, this is not his fault, you shouldn't be angry at him."

"Why not? He left me! He got himself in the middle of someone else's war and he got himself almost killed! And to top it all off, I cannot even care because as far as he is concerned, I am not part of his life, I have no reason to care!" I did not understand why I was yelling at Gibbs. I did not understand why I was mad at Tony. But for some reason, it felt right.

"This isn't how it ends, Ziva."

"It seems like it from where I am standing."

"Well maybe you're standin' in the wrong spot!" Gibbs had cracked. And it made sense. This was what I needed. I needed Gibbs to fire up, and tell me what to do. "The Ziva I know doesn't just give up when something doesn't go her way. Don't be weak, David. Stand up and fight for the things you need." And with that, he left. To work, I presume.

I grabbed my bag and went home to shower. I leant against the cool, tiled wall. The contrast to the hot water was refreshing. I stood there for a few minutes, just thinking. Last night, I left the hospital and went to Tony's apartment. I do not remember going to Gibbs' place, but I assume it all just got too much for me to handle.

I got dressed, and hopped in my car. I began to drive to work, but somehow ended up at the hospital. _Fight, Ziva. Fight for Tony. _

I approached his room, and gently knocked on the door. Part of me hoped there would be no answer – hoping that he would be asleep, so I had a reason to leave. But I heard his voice on the other side of the door, telling me to come in. I could hear the pain in his voice. The pain killers must have been wearing off. I took a deep breath, working up the courage to enter the room. Was I ready for this? Did I really want to go through this again? It was painful enough last night.

I slowly opened the door, and poked my head through. He was sitting up, watching the television – some morning news program by the looks of it. He clicked the remote, and the TV shut off. He looked me dead in the eye and smiled an apologetic smile.

"Hey," I managed to speak quietly, "How are you feeling this morning?"

"Like the worst friend in the world." I forced the rest of my body to join my head, on the inside of his room, and closed the door behind me.

"I meant, how are you feeling, physically? Are you in pain?"

He knew what I meant.

I knew he was trying to apologise for not knowing who I was.

He had no reason to apologise.

"I'm okay, Ziva." Hearing him say my name made my heart hurt that little bit less. "I'm in a little bit of pain, but no more than to be expected. I've asked them to lower the amount of pain killers I'm on-"

"Why would you do that?" I interrupted. He was in pain, reducing his medication wasn't going to help him at all – nor was it necessary!

"Because, they're making me hazy. I'm never going to be able to remember anything if they keep pumping me full of drugs."

"But being in agonizing pain isn't going to help either."

"Look, I'm still taking them, just not as many. I'm not in pain, just a little uncomfortable. I don't see why you care this much anyway."

For I moment I was the one who did not remember. I did not remember that he _could _not remember. I was still a stranger – someone who should not care. I looked at him, not knowing how to respond, and that apologetic look stung his face again. It was clear that he hated not being able to remember. He was missing so much of his life.

"Gibbs told me everything. Well, not everything, but enough. He told me that you're Kate's replacement. Were. Clearly you're not just a replacement anymore. You're part of the family."

"What else did he tell you?" I asked as moved to sit in the chair beside his bed.

"Not a lot. Gibbs is a man of very few words, as you probably know. Unless he's become a chatterbox in the last few years?" Tony joked, and I shook my head smiling. Gibbs was definitely not a 'chatterbox'. "Yeah didn't think so. But, when he told me what happened to Kate – it felt familiar. You know when you can kind of remember something, but you kind of don't? It was so… weird. He also told me that you and I are pretty close. He says we're like best friends – we fight like cat and dog – but we respect each other. He said we have a very unique relationship. I drive you mad, yet you still love me. And that I'm super protective of you."

"Yeah, that's pretty much us." I put my hand on his, and he squeezed me hand in response. He looked down at my hand, and ran his finger over my engagement ring and smiled.

"He's a lucky guy, whoever he is."


	19. Chapter 19

"You did not tell him anything about our relationship!" I stormed into the bullpen, straight over to Gibbs' desk. He looked up at me, waiting for me to continue, but I didn't.

"I think I described your relationship with him very accurately when we talked."

"Yeah, except you forgot one tiny little thing. The fact that we are actually _in a relationship. _He now thinks that I am engaged to some mystery man."

"I thought it would be better if you were the one to explain that to him."

"You mean, he still doesn't remember you?" McGee asked from behind his computer. "I mean, last night, he seemed to remember a little more."

"You just need to explain it to him Ziva. He just wants us to help him to remember, and you're a big part of his life now, so you're the one who has to do most of the explaining."

"But what if he never remembers? And the rest of his life he just feels guilty, and I'm just stuck being in love with him?"

"It's worth a try, isn't it?" McGee shrugged and went back to work. This conversation was over, I knew it.

He said that when he was being told everything that had happened, they felt familiar, like very vague memories. Did anything with me feel familiar, at all? Maybe that is why he felt so comfortable talking to me so quick. But, no, that's just DiNozzo. He's comfortable around people, and he didn't tell me anything personal to even suggest that my presence felt familiar.

The next morning, I went back to the hospital. Tony seemed glad to see me – and I was glad that he was glad.

"Hey Zi, how are you today?" the loving nickname that he had given me years ago was music to my ears. Today was a good day, not like yesterday. Today I would not be scared – I would be strong. I flashed him my biggest smile, and pulled the chair close to his bed before sitting down.

"I am feeling much better, thank you Tony. How are you feeling today?"

"Awesome – I am feeling awesome! I had a dream about you last night. You totally wanted me, and all my manliness. And we totally did it. And you totally loved it." He seemed rather pleased with himself.

"How do you know it was a dream, Tony?" I said in my most seductive voice.

"Because, sweet cheeks, I am an honest man, which means no sleeping with engaged women, no matter how beautiful they are." He tapped on my hand, which was resting beside him on the bed. All of a sudden I couldn't smile anymore, and today didn't feel so good. I knew that now was my chance to explain, and I wanted to – but I knew it wouldn't make him all of a sudden remember everything, and we couldn't just go straight back to how it was. But I needed to do this, now.

"Um, Tony… about that. There's something I need to talk to you about."

"Please don't tell me that was a memory. Look, I am so sorry, but I don't want to mess up your relationship."

"Tony, it's okay, you are not messing anything up. There are some things I need to explain, that I didn't yesterday. It's my fault, I should have told you when I first had the chance, but I got scared I guess." I didn't know how to start. I didn't know how to finish. I didn't know anything. There was a knock on the door and a nurse poked her head in.

"Good morning Mr DiNozzo. Time for me to change your dressings."

"Can it wait, please? This is important." Tony politely tried to dismiss the nurse.

"No, it's okay, this can wait – really."

"No it can't Ziva."

"It's okay, I'll come back later." The nurse nodded and left. My escape plan was gone. For real – this was it.

"Okay, I am not very good with these kinds of things so I am just going to say it and hope you can keep up. Me and you, Tony – we are not just friends. For years there has been… chemistry between us. We have denied and denied our feelings until we could no more."

"But… your fiancé…"

"Is you, Tony." The silence was louder than ever as I watched him try to understand what I had just told him.

"No…" was all he could manage to say, and I completely understood. The Tony DiNozzo that he thinks he is would have never proposed to anyone. Yet, here I am, some crazy woman he doesn't even know, telling him that we're getting married.

"But I'll fix it." I stood up, and slid the ring off of my finger, placing on the table beside him. "We're not engaged anymore. You can be the Tony you want to be, and I'll deal with it." And I walked away. I will forever deny this, but it was unmistakable - the look of relief that crossed his face for a split second. My heart is shattered.


	20. Chapter 20

I curled up tight, sitting as far in the corner of my couch as I possibly could – blanket pulled up to my chin, staring off into space. Abby had been knocking on my front door for a few minutes now, calling out my name. Tony had been released from hospital and would be back at work soon. It had been two weeks since I had spoken to him – since I had called of the engagement he could not remember.

"The door is unlocked Abby. You can come in."

"You could have told me that five minutes ago." She said as she entered the apartment and sat down on the couch beside me. "Tony came into work today to see everyone. I think he was secretly hoping to run into you" she looked at me waiting for me to say something, but I didn't. "He told us what happened." Still silence. "Is that why you haven't been at work?"

"Why is this happening?" Abby moved closer to me and rested her head on my shoulder.

"I don't know. I wish I did, but I don't. I just want things to go back to normal." Abby was just as invested in mine and Tony's relationship as we were. She had been there the whole time – a third party.

I adjusted my position and wrapped my arms around her, trying to be as comforting as I possibly could at this moment in time.

There was another knock on the door, and I could hear someone shuffling their feet on the carpet on the other side of the door. I got up and answered, surprised to see Tony standing there. He looked as surprised to see me.

"Ziva. Hi." He said awkwardly after a moment of silence from both of us.

"Why are you here Tony? How did you even know where I live?"

"I didn't know you lived here. I'm still just trying to piece stuff together. I was nearby and for some reason this building just seemed so… familiar. I found my way to this floor, and have been knocking on each door hoping I recognise someone. Now that I've figured out what this building means to me, I can go now. Sorry to interrupt." He acknowledged Abby's presence and turned to leave. I was about to shut the door when I noticed he had stopped walking. I watched as he stood still, began to walk again, and then stopped. He turned around and took five giants steps until he was at my door again. He was so close I could feel his breath on my face.

"I do… feel something, Ziva. When I look at you, I know there is something here. I just… I want to be able to know what we have… what we had… but I can't."

"It's okay, Tony." _It's not your fault. There's nothing more you can do, just keep trying, don't give up. _


	21. Chapter 21

I sat at my desk in the bullpen. I had never been so nervous. Today would be Tony's first day back at work. No field work until his wound had healed completely, of course, but he would be here, and that alone was enough to make my stomach clench.

The elevator doors opened and Tony walked through to his desk. He was in jeans and a white button-up top – casual for Tony, but he still looked as attractive as ever.

"Welcome back, DiNozzo." Vance called as he walked down the stairs.

"Thanks, director. I'm actually so glad to be back. I never realized I could miss this place so much."

"Well this place missed you too. You've been gone far too long." Vance lowered his voice as he got closer to Tony. "I put in that request, like you asked. It's been approved; you do not have to go back on assignment."

"Thanks, I appreciate it." They shook hands and the director left. It was just me and Tony.

"Gibbs has gone on a coffee run." I explained, trying to fill the silence. His eyes stuck to mine, as if the world would end if he were to look away, even for a second.

"McGoo is sick. He spent the night polluting my bathroom with the stench of sweat and vomit. Looks like it's just us."

"Why was McGee at your apartment last night?"

"Uh, he… um. I needed help with something." His eyes shot to the floor, and everywhere except for mine.

"Is everything okay, Tony?" I was genuinely concerned for my… friend. He walked closer to me, and lowered his voice so no one else could hear.

"I haven't been sleeping well… nightmares. The doctor said it could be my mind conflicting itself – seeing how my apartment is, and how it smells might trigger memories, but the brain is shutting them down. So I had McGee help me rearrange the place. I just wanted a decent night's sleep."

"And did it help?"

"No, the whole place still smells like-" he stopped and thought about what he was trying to say. It smells like me. "I just need to get some scented candles or something."

And it would be as if I were never there…

"Or… I could just leave it how it is?" he backtracked, seeing that I was clearly upset.

"It's your apartment Tony, do as you wish. I can help you rearrange if you'd like?"

"Um, yeah sure. If you're cool with that?"

"We can't keep being awkward forever, Tony. I'm happy to help." I smiled a genuine smile, and went back to my work.

The day went fairly quick. We were in and out, with a new case. It was clear Tony did not enjoy not being able to join us in the field, but he ruled the bullpen with the information he would find for us. I think he was just glad to be back at work. Today honestly felt like the good old days. Like he had never left.

I met him at his apartment after work. He greeted me with a huge smile, letting me in a directing me to the kitchen.

"I hope you haven't eaten. I thought I'd thank you for helping me by cooking you some dinner. It's nothing fancy; I just threw together a few ingredients that were in the cupboard. I hope you like it." He pulled my chair out for me and waited for me to sit down before moving around the table to sit across from me.

Dinner was delicious, and conversation was smooth, not what I had expected to be honest. He seemed a lot more comfortable around me, and I liked that. I thought I had ruined everything after my last visit in the hospital. I could have handled the situation so much better. But I push those thoughts to the back of my mind. I focus solely on what Tony is talking about. Until I get distracted, lost in his eyes, his smile, the sound of his voice, his laughter. I cannot help but smile when he does. I am still very much in love with him, I want to be with him, forever and a day, like he promised. He promised. And now we're not together. Another broken promise. Another thought that I have to force to the back of my mind. I try to shake that thought altogether – Tony did not deliberately hurt me, he would never deliberately hurt me – but I cannot help but feel let down in some way.

"Ziva?" Tony pulled me from my thoughts. I had been distracted, and completely missed the end to his story. Not only that – I had missed the fact he had stood up, and was now standing beside me. He held his hand out, I grabbed it, and he helped me up. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I was just lost in thought I guess."

"Care to tell me what you're thinking about? I've been chatting on all night… I'd love to know what's been on your mind."

"Nothing important Tony, I was just thinking that…" I hesitated. I had to play it very careful – all I had to do was say one wrong thing and suddenly everything was ruined, again. "I was just thinking, you seem like you're back to yourself again."

"And that's a good thing, right?"

"Of course. I was rather fond of Tony." I smiled, he smiled, and he pulled me closer and hugged me. We lingered for a moment. Perhaps a moment too long. But I did not want to let go – and neither did he. I could feel him pull my body closer, as close as physically possible. The moment felt so right, as I held him as tight as I could.

"I remember a few things." He whispered in my ear, I tried to pull away, to look him in the eye, but he refused to let go. "Michael. I remember Michael. I remember you hating me, and it being the worst feeling in the world. I remember how lost I was without you in my life. I never want to have to go back to feeling that way. I remember you being… damaged… broken. All I wanted to do was fix you, but you were afraid… I had hurt you in the past. I do not want to hurt you again. I remember… I remember you telling me about Tali. I remember you opening up to me, crying in front of me, putting all your trust in me, and I remember vowing to keep every secret you decide to share with me. I remember our movie nights, when you'd fall asleep in my arms, and I'd wish that moment would never end. I remember our first kiss, on an undercover mission, how passionate it was, and how it was all I could think about. I remember us, how we were, and I wish I hadn't have screwed that up. I remember the exact moment I realized I was in love with you."

He placed his hand at the back of my neck and pulled my face toward his. Our lips met and it was as if the past three months had never happened. The love of my life was back.


	22. Chapter 22 - Tony's POV

****Note: Thanks for all the awesome reviews guys :) they really make me want to keep writing! I'm still working on where to go from here – so I've decided this chapter will just be the last chapter but from Tony's point of view. I'm certain he has a fair bit running through his mind too haha. I hope you enjoy! It's a long one…**

My first day back at work. No words come anywhere close to describing how excited I was to be back. It was going to be different without Kate there… and I hope Ziva isn't too much different. The team has a dynamic – what if I can't adjust back to how it was. I enter the elevator, and press the small silver button to reach my level. I hope they haven't changed the building – I hope I can still find my way around. The elevator 'dinged' and the door began to open. Already, I could see the orange walls surrounding numerous desks. Nope – nothing had changed. Nothing except for Israeli beauty that sat where Kate usually did. Yes – this would take some getting used to. I had been around Ziva for almost a month now – she was with me for most of my healing, and I had grown quite fond of her – but seeing her in the work environment was completely different. I stepped out of the elevator and noticed Ziva looking at me. I was about to talk to her when I heard my name.

"Welcome back, DiNozzo." Vance called as he walked down the stairs, heading towards me.

"Thanks, director. I'm actually so glad to be back. I never realized I could miss this place so much." It still felt weird – Vance being director. And knowing that there had been a female director before him. I can imagine Gibbs – taking orders from a lady. Ziva said there was a history between them, though. She must have been a redhead – just Gibbs' type.

"Well this place missed you too. You've been gone far too long." Vance lowered his voice as he got closer to me. I had requested that I not go back to being an agent afloat. Not yet anyway. I needed to be right here for now. At least until I can remember everything. "I put in that request, like you asked. It's been approved; you do not have to go back on assignment."

"Thanks, I appreciate it." I shook his hand, and he turned to walk away. I put my stuff down at my desk and took a seat. The chairs were comfier than I remembered. I looked up at Ziva, who's eyes were still on me, and smiled.

"Gibbs has gone on a coffee run." She said. I had assumed she was one to like silence – but not today.

"McGoo is sick. He spent the night polluting my bathroom with the stench of sweat and vomit. Looks like it's just us." Even just talking about the smell was enough to make me need to be sick. Poor McGee – must have had some bad mu shu pork or something.

"Why was McGee at your apartment last night?"

"Uh, he… um. I needed help with something." My eyes shot to the floor, scared that they would say too much. I didn't understand – why was I like this with her? I lied to Kate all the time – but with Ziva I felt as though I had to be one hundred percent honest with her at all times.

"Is everything okay, Tony?" She seemed genuinely concerned for me. I had to explain what was happening to her – she had a right to know. I got up and walked over to her desk – I didn't want everyone knowing what was going on.

"I haven't been sleeping well… nightmares. The doctor said it could be my mind conflicting itself – seeing how my apartment is, and how it smells might trigger memories, but the brain is shutting them down. So I had McGee help me rearrange the place. I just wanted a decent night's sleep."

"And did it help?"

"No, the whole place still smells like-" I stopped. Did I really want to tell her that the smell of her perfume and her shampoo – her – made me hate myself to the point where I cannot sleep without my hatred seeping into my dreams? "I just need to get some scented candles or something."

I wanted to remember her so badly. Everyone would tell me how much I loved her – but I didn't feel it. All I wanted was to know what we had – from my perspective – not everyone else's. Ziva must have picked up that it was her that I was trying to remove from my apartment. The look on her face – so hurt. I felt an unusual sting in my heart. _You vowed to never hurt her – now look. _ Had I made that promise? Does it even still count if I can't remember it?

"Or… I could just leave it how it is?" her expression didn't change. I couldn't undo what I had said. _Good one, Tony. _

"It's your apartment Tony, do as you wish." She paused for a moment, and I wasn't sure if I should say something or not. "I can help you rearrange if you'd like?"

I couldn't tell if she was serious or not. Why was she not trying to hold on to what we had? Why was she… understanding?

"Um, yeah sure. If you're cool with that?" _cool with that? What is this… highschool?_

"We can't keep being awkward forever, Tony. I'm happy to help." She smiled – a welcomed change from her previous expression – and continued with the paperwork in front of her. She was trying to move on. She had given up on me remembering what we had. I don't blame her at all – the doctor said I should have recovered up to eighty percent of my memory within days – it had been weeks. My mind told me that I should be happy – for her especially. The last thing I wanted was for her to hold on to false hope. But for some reason I felt like I had been betrayed. But she was right. The team needs both of us and we can't be awkward together for the rest of our lives.

The day dragged on for me. Gibbs got a case, so he and Ziva spent most of the day at the crime scene, following up on leads, chasing the bad guys and so on. They would call me when they needed me to find some information for them. I searched finance record, phone records and spent endless hours on the phone talking to relatives, friends and possible witnesses.

There was a short period of time – in between the phone calls and record searching – when I had five minutes to grab a snack from the staff lunch room. I sat down with my freshly prepared sandwich in front of me, and turned on the television. It was a foreign news channel, not interesting but I couldn't figure out how to change the channel so I was stuck with it. I had almost finished my sandwich, and was getting ready to head back to work when I saw it. A man appeared on the TV. I recognised him – but where from? I stared at the image on the screen, furiously trying to remember. His face made my blood boil – I could kill him!

_Tony…_

Her voice was so broken in my head. The sound alone was enough to make me want to cry. The image that popped into my head was infuriating. An unknown figure sitting on a chair in a dark room. Her clothes torn and covered in dirt and blood – and the man from the news was standing behind her, grabbing her with too much force. A sack placed over her head and only her ratty tangled hair hung out from underneath. I could not see who it was – but I did not need to see – it was Ziva.

I came back to reality, more angered than ever. I threw the crusts of my sandwich in the bin and stormed into the bullpen. Gibbs and Ziva were back – neither acknowledged my presence so I went straight back to work. I looked at Ziva, who was speaking on the phone, to who – I am not sure. But she was smiling. Her smile slightly cooled the burning pit of anger that was brewing in my stomach. She was okay now. Whatever happened – she was moving forward. She noticed me staring at her, and looked up at me. I smiled softly, and she smiled back. I turned my head back to my blank computer screen, but kept the image of her beautiful smile in my mind. How could anybody hurt her?

I left work and headed straight home. McGee had left, and must have cleaned beforehand – the smell of vanilla scented candles filled the room. He's a good man that McGee – a good friend.

I got work on dinner straight away. I hoped Ziva didn't plan on eating before she came over. I wanted to make her a special dinner – to comfort her for what I remembered. Do I tell her I remembered it? Or do I keep this to myself? I don't want to bring up old memories. I grabbed a pot and started throwing in random ingredients – whatever I could find in the cupboard really. The smell of the sauces, herbs and spices filled the room, overpowering the candles. I set the table; two plates, two sets of cutlery and two crystal wine glasses.

_Laughter filled the room. Abby, Ziva, McGee – and even Gibbs – found Tony's routine funny. Dancing around the kitchen, setting the table. Like in the movies._

I must have had dinner parties. Or some kind of gathering. Everyone was here – laughing, having fun, spending time together without looking over a dead marine's body. This image was one I wanted to keep forever. Gibbs acting fatherly – looking at everyone with so much love. This was his family now – we could never replace his late wife and daughter, but we helped fill the void in his life. Abby and Ziva were his daughters too – and me and McGee like sons.

The knock on the door interrupted my thoughts. Suddenly I was as nervous as my geeky teenage self on his first date. _This isn't a date, DiNozzo. _I answered the door. There she was, as beautiful as ever. I let her in and walked her over to the kitchen, where dinner was simmering, ready to eat whenever we were.

"I hope you haven't eaten. I thought I'd thank you for helping me by cooking you some dinner. It's nothing fancy; I just threw together a few ingredients that were in the cupboard. I hope you like it." I pulled out a chair for her, and brought over her plate. Conversation was smooth and dinner wasn't as awkward as I had thought it might possibly be. I was chattering away about nothing in particular when I noticed she wasn't really paying attention. She was so deep in thought she didn't even notice when I had stopped speaking. Maybe this is too much for her? She slightly smiled, but then her face dropped, as if she were suddenly sad. I stood up and moved around the table – she still did not move.

"Ziva? Is everything okay?" I held out my hand, and she took it in hers. Her skin was so soft and smooth. I remembered the first time I held her hand – proudly walking around the foyer in a hotel. _She called me by a different name, I did not understand._ _McGee spoke, but I could not see him. An earpiece – we must have been undercover. _

"Yeah, I was just lost in thought I guess." Her voice was quiet, distracted.

"Care to tell me what you're thinking about? I've been chatting on all night… I'd love to know what's been on your mind."

"Nothing important Tony, I was just thinking that…" she hesitated, not sure if she should continue "I was just thinking, you seem like you're back to yourself again."

"And that's a good thing, right?"

"Of course. I was rather fond of Tony." She smiled that irresistible smile once more. I was starting to understand how I fell so madly in love with this woman. Not only was she beautiful, she was smart, funny and compassionate – you just had to break through the shell before you got to see the real Ziva. I smiled back at her, and pulled her in to hug her. As I held her close, I remembered a time it wasn't like this. The name Michael echoed through my head. Three guns shots, and the look on Ziva's face.

_That's why she left. That's how she ended up broken – it's all your fault, Tony. She almost died – because of you. You hurt her – she's had enough hurt in her life. Her father, her sister, her brother, everyone she thought she could trust hurt her – and you're just as bad. She needs you to remember, so that she can go back. She needs you to remember your movie nights – the nights she would fall asleep in your arms. She needs you to remember your first kiss – on the undercover mission – how full of passion it was, and how you couldn't get it off your mind, no matter how hard you tried. She needs you to remember that you're the one person she trusts with her heart and soul, you're the one person she's let break through that wall, you're the one person she loves as if she's never been hurt before._

Ziva was still holding me tight. She didn't want to let go, and neither did I. I turned my head, so my mouth was near her ear. At first I struggled to voice the words, but they eventually came.

"I remember a few things." She tried to pull away, but I wouldn't let her. I couldn't stand to let go of her at this moment. I had only just gotten her back. I continued to tell her what I could remember. Once I started, the words just kept coming, and I remembered a few things in more detail. I could feel her pull me closer to her and hold me tighter. The moment was honest, one I hope to never forget. She pulled back and looked at me. I think she was trying to say something, but didn't know exactly what to say. Caught up in the moment, I placed my hand at the back of her neck, and pulled her face closer to mine. When our lips met, it was as if I had loved her for forever.


End file.
